Reflections on Motherhood and Life as a Doula

Monday, February 21, 2011

We're All In This Together!

I spend most of my days as a mother, stressing about whether or not I am making the right decisions in raising my children.  Most of my decisions are based on instinct, but a few are educated.  No matter what I decide on, I always follow it up with research.

I am disgusted by the responses I am seeing to posts about studies being done to better understand the health and well-being of our families.  We are bashing eachother as mothers and playing the "I'm right, your wrong" game.  This isn't a game.  This is about women going through life changing events that shape the rest of their lives; all while they are helping to shape the lives of innocent little people.  We should be speaking TRUTH - for the sake of our babies.  We should be respectful and demand respect.  We need to set a positive example for the little ones who are watching us so closely.

All I ask, is for mothers to try their best.  Because that is all we can do.

My response to my recent repost that caused so much off-topic bashing and controversy:
Cesarean Sections
When it comes to moms who have had a cesarean section, I believe there are three types of us.

-The Necessary Cesarean - She does not defend her surgery, her doctors or herself.  She knows that what happened, needed to happen - and that at that point, preventing it was out of her hands.

-The Unnecessary Cesarean Acceptance (I believe this is the category I fall under) - She recognizes that her ignorance, and/or fear, and/or lack of support is what prevented her from delivering vaginally.  She accepts the fact that it was unncessary and places blame where she feels it need to be.  She does not defend her surgey, her doctor or herself.

-The Unnecessary Cesarean Denial - Whether she realizes the surgery was unnecessary or not, she defends the decision.  She defends the surgey, usually denying that it did any damage to her or her baby emotionally and sometimes physically.  She defends her doctors, putting them on a pedistal of information giving saviors.  She defends herself by not admitting to the ignorance, the fear, and/or the lack of support.

No matter what category we fall under - WE ARE NOT FAILURES!
It is OKAY to be ignorant or fearful.  We learn from this.  It is OKAY to trust our careproviders.  We just need to trust OUR bodies too!  But, we also have to respect out bodies.

What I Believe to be Truth:

Cesareans are not "good" (except in cases where absolutely necessay - which is about 7% - and I'm really exaggerating that high of a #).  They are dangerous to BOTH mom and baby.

Bonding - Can you have a good bond with your baby after being separated for minutes to days?  Absolutely!  But what mother in the world wants her baby bonding with hospital staff, other family members or an incubator before she gets to?  No mother does!  No wonder why some mothers have such a hard time connecting.  They aren't less determined.  They are mammals who are missing out on that crucial moment of discovering their baby!  The smell, the feel, the taste - it's not the same when your baby has already been bathed and cradled by someone else.

Breastfeeding - Of course it is the best way to nourish your child.  Interruption and separation can really interfere.  Some people conquer it and some don't.  I have no good reasons why.  A mother who makes a true effort is just as good as a mother who was able to overcome the difficulties.


If we are doing all that we know how to do to better our children's lives, then we are succeeding.

When we see someone else's post; instead of being defensive or bashing, try to find the TRUTH in it.  Be respectful.  Accept your own faults and shortcomings.  And maybe, just maybe we can learn something new.

Note:  I learned something (not new, but opened my eyes) from a friend's post.  Initially I got defensive and took offense to it.  But as I read it over and over again, I accepted the fact that my son's circumcision was a result of my own ignorance.  I am so thankful that she posted it because now I know I can protect any future sons of mine from it.

We are not failures.  Just mothers trying to do what's best for our children.

Let's support eachother in that.

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