Reflections on Motherhood and Life as a Doula

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

To My Daughter

My dear Delaney Jo,

And so it begins.  The life of an amazing girl, woman.  You are going to touch so many hearts.  You already have.

I spent 9+ months carrying you in my womb.  And in that time, I read hundreds of books and articles, and I watched dozens of films trying to figure out one thing:  How to give my baby the most peaceful, spiritual, gentle entrance into this world.

My discovery?  To never leave my home.  Our home.

Every time I would put Stephen down for his nap or to bed for the night, I would pick up where I left off in my books.  And every time I would read about the birth I desired, you would kick me like crazy.  It was my sign.  You were literally nudging me in the right direction.  And here you are.  The girl that made me whole again.

I lost my faith in God and in Mother Nature, and most importantly, I lost faith in myself.  I needed you to remind me how amazing and powerful I am with the help and love from God.  You are my angel. 

I labored, and doubted my ability.  I labored, and grew confident in your ability.  I pushed, and grew confident in our ability.  And then out you came.  Your Daddy handed you between my legs and into my arms. 


You are so beautiful and perfect.  Your smile warms my heart and soul.  Your laughter brings the sunshine.

I will love you and protect you forever.

I can't wait to see your life unfold.  Don't ever forget where you came from.  Love everyone for their strengths as well as their faults.  Pray.  Everyday.

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
I love you.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

To My Son

To my dearest Stephen,

Thank you.  Thank you for your energy; it reminds me that I too, am young.  Thank you for your love; it keeps my faith strong in God.  Thank you for being you; you are perfect in every way.

Everyday it is amazing to wake up and see how you have grown.  You are so smart and creative.  I love watching you discover the art of "pretend".  I am so proud of your imagination.  You are unbelievably handsome.  I do not look forward to the days when girls will be calling our phone at all hours of the night.  I don't want you to ever have your heart broken.  I want you to be my little boy forever.

I love singing songs with you, and I love your love for music.  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, ABCs and Uncle Danny Boy will forever remind me of our peaceful nights, that are so appreciated after the chaotic days.

I am sorry that I didn't learn more before and during the days you were in my womb.  I wish I could go back in time and give you the birth you deserved.  Thank you for forgiving me for my ignorance.  I am sorry that I didn't protect you and that you entered this world so violently.  What a strong boy you are for enduring that experience.  I am sorry for not protecting you from circumcision.  Whether or not you are happy with it when you are grown, you should have been able to make that decision on your own. 
I am sorry for my temper, my ever-changing discipline strategies, and my impatience.  You deserve so much more love, patience, and solid boundaries.  Thank you for letting me grow up as a mother and teaching me what is important.

I promise to you, Stephen, that I will do everything to be the best Mommy I can be.  I will take each day as it comes, and I will learn and grow with you. 

A great woman once told me, that our children choose us.  I believe her.  I don't know why you chose me, but by the grace of God, I am going to show you that you made the right choice.  Everything happens for a reason.  Your birth happened for a reason - maybe to push us both to our limits and to show us how strong we are; individually and together.  We push eachother to our limits everyday, and at the end of the day, I am thankful for that. 

You make me a better person.

I love you, Stephen.  So much.  More than you will ever know (until you have children of your own).