Vaccines...Yes, I'm going there.

It's not a secret what my stance is on vaccines for my family.  But in case you don't know, I'll give you a little background.

I planned to have my son delayed and selectively vaccinated.  It was a constant fight with our pediatrician, and when I would question certain/most vaccines, she would only give me the benefits of the vaccine and the risks of not vaccinating.  This shot up A LOT of red flags for me.  But needless to say, I was pressured into getting vaccines that I did not want for my son (up to and including the Varicella vaccine).  :(  I took my son in for his 2 year appointment, VERY pregnant with my daughter, and mentioned to their doctor that I was having a homebirth and that there obviously wouldn't be a pediatrician on call for my birth.  She gasped, and said that I had to bring my baby in within 24 hours of the birth to make sure she was okay and get all of her shots....hahaha!  Yea right.  I smiled and nodded in order to avoid punching her in the face.  She left the room for a moment and arrived back quickly to let me know that they had added another 7 doses to the Prevnar (I think) vaccine and that she recommends it and would be bringing it in to give to my son.  FINALLY my Mama Bear kicked in.  I jumped up and told her she was nuts and let her know that she would never see my children again. 

I read more and more and more and more information about vaccines - mind you, I found most of this information on the CDC's very own website.  My daughter was born and we switched our care to a holistic family MD.  I was planning on holding off the few vaccinations I was considering until 2 years of age.  But I kept reading and researching and finally settled on refusing ALL vaccinations.  By the way, our doctor gave me the risks and benefits to both sides and FULLY supported my decision to discontinue vaccinations for my son and not give any to my daughter.  *sigh of relief...no more fighting*

So that is my experience and where I stand with vaccines in my family.

There are a lot of people searching for a "middle ground" in this gigantic and nasty vaccine debate we have going on.  Unfortunately, in my opinion, the middle ground can only be found if we transport ourselves back to the 1980s.  Those who refuse to vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  Those who do vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  And if you are one of those who delays/selectively vaccinates, you get crapped on from both sides - you are obviously either anti-vaccination and are ruining our country or you are pro-vaccination and ruining our country.  Hmmm...can a middle ground be found?

Common responses I get from people everywhere - "I was vaccinated and I am fine.  You were vaccinated and you are fine.  My kids are vaccinated and they are fine" (this is the one that I get to argue with often because most people who use this as an excuse/response fail to see that their kids are on 18 different medications for ADHD, ADD, Autism, Aspergers, Asthma, Allergies, Chronic this and that - so NO, your kids are NOT fine).  And I can use a similar response.  Both my husband and I were vaccinated.  And yes, we are fine (eh hem, can you define fine? lol).  Here's the problem...

Maybe this is why most of us as adults are fine and our kids are suffering tremendously.

So here is MY MIDDLE GROUND.  Respect and Education.
Whether you refuse all vaccinations, delay or selectively vaccinate, or vaccinate entirely on the CDCs schedule, as long as you have TRULY researched and educated yourself on the risks/benefits and what exactly you are or aren't putting into your child's body, and you are continuously open to learning and educating yourself more, you are doing what is right for your children - because you are doing what you truly believe to be best. 

The only irresponsible thing to do, is to make ANY of these decisions without educating yourself (and continuing to educate even after you make that decision) and just doing it because someone told you to.  That my friends, is not doing what is right for you children - that is doing what is right for someone else. 

ALWAYS respect others' educated decisions and never close your ears and eyes to information that may or may not benefit our children's futures.

Calling All Guest Bloggers!!

Calling all guest bloggers! 

Did you ENJOY your labor and birth???  When I talk about my second birth experience and proclaim that I enjoyed it and that it was awesome, I often get looks of disbelief and sometimes of disgust.  Am I the odd one out?  I can't possibly believe that.  Please share with me your AWESOME and ENJOYABLE birth experiences!  Let's make it known that childbirth doesn't have to be a torturous or degrading experience.

Please send your submissions to deperro@windstream.net (and include pictures if you have them!).

A New Look, A New Step

I have sat on the computer for DAYS trying to figure out how to personalize my blog and website.  I am so technologically inept, it is ridiculous.  But alas, I have a new look (at least the blog does for now).

Once I attempt to transfer this look over to the website as well, I will get on with my new step in this birthworker process. 

I get calls from a lot of potential doula clients.  I get a massive amount of e-mails and calls for placenta encapsulation.  And I am beginning to get a few inquiries on the Childbirth Preparation Classes.  Yay!  Even if for me (the woman who only takes on 1-2 births per month) this seems like a lot of people interested in bettering their birthing experience, there are SO MANY other women out there who either don't know where to begin in achieving a better birth, or they don't even know it is possible. 

I want to make the blog/website look more appealing in hopes to catch soon-to-be birthing women's eyes.  Once I have completed this task (I totally didn't think it would take me this long), I am going to reprint my pamphlets with my updated information and take a fun drive around the counties I serve and drop them off at health food stores, yoga studios, and chiropractic/wellness centers. 

Here's to spreading the good word about how AWESOME birth can be!

Tell me, how do you like the knew look??

October 15th - Understanding Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I have been working with pregnant women and families on a regular basis for a little while now.  I have had two completely different pregnancies and births, and I find myself able to grasp what a lot of women are going through emotionally and physically.  I like to be that ear to listen and I surround them with love and understanding - because somehow, someway, I usually can understand. 

But not with pregnancy or infant loss. 

The few women I have worked with who have had experiences with a loss have had me digging so deep into my soul to find an emotion or an experience...just so I could try to understand.  The closest I have ever come was bringing myself back to when I was told that Stephen might not live - not being able to hold him, comfort him, nourish him...  The difference:  I was able to bring him home, he is still with me.

Mike and I are fertile.  He laughs when I say we need to "try" for another baby.  He claims that "we don't even have to have sex, we conceive just thinking about it".  And so it happened again.  We conceived the end of July/early August.  He knew I was pregnant as soon as we finished making love, and I knew about 1 week later.  We went about our normal, every day lives knowing that the tests wouldn't show up positive just yet - but there was a bounce in both of our steps.  A few days later I was cleaning and preparing the house for a much welcomed visit from a very old friend.  As I was taking care of the house, I felt a small twinge in my abdomen/uterus area (similar to the feeling I get when I am ovulating).  I thought it was odd, as I have never felt that in any of my other pregnancies.  I went on a little longer with a few more twinges here and there and decided to go to the bathroom to check it out.  Upon wiping, I saw the blood.  I noted that it was odd looking blood - very watery, more pink than anything, and not much at all - but left the bathroom feeling disappointment that I had just gotten my period (way off schedule, by the way) and that my instincts were wrong.  My friend came over soon after and we enjoyed our time together.  She stayed for a few hours, and when Mike came home from work, I informed him that we were not pregnant.  After a few more hours, I went to the bathroom again.  No more blood.  Strange.  I slept on it and began to get excited again.  I had read about implantation bleeding, I looked up the dates, and this would be just about the right time for it.  Hooray!!!  We were pregnant!  We decided to wait a few more days to take a test, just to let those HcG levels grow. 

The night before our test taking day, Mike and I laid in bed giggling about whether or not we'd have another girl or boy.  Our boy name has been picked out for a few years, so we had fun discussing what we would name another daughter - and Oh My!  What would we do if we had another daughter??  That was unheard of on his side of the family (dominated by males).  We went to bed with smiles on our faces.

I woke up August 18th at 4:00am with a shooting pain that started from my back and wrapped around my lower belly.  I told myself it was anything I could think of (I even suggested to myself that I was getting my period - even though I don't get cramping especially something not this painful), and tried to adjust my positioning to ease the pain.  I stayed in bed for about an hour, groaning quietly until I felt the bed wet below me.  I ran to the bathroom to witness my own personal nightmare.  I cleaned myself up the best I could and made my way back into my bedroom.  I whispered into Mike's ear that I thought I was miscarrying.  He giggled for a minute and said "no you're not", and then sat still for a few moments.  He looked over at me and when he witnessed my tears of sadness and pain, he understood what was happening. 

The physical pain lasted about a day and a half.  The blood - that horrible reminder of what was happening - continued for just short of two weeks.  It was heavy, it was weird, and I thought it would never end. 

I reached out to my midwife, a good friend, and a close family member whom I had thought would be my pillar of strength.  The good friend and my midwife said the right things and gave the right advice.  They helped me to get through the initial loss, and my friend has continuously been here for me as I go on.  Never ever did I think that the other person I chose to share my loss with would say the things she said.  I kept my loss quiet because I do understand that some people just don't know what to say and that it may put them in an uncomfortable position.  But when my "pillar of strength" told me that it wasn't that big of a deal because it was so early, I almost vomited.  "It was barely a baby" - Well, it was my baby.  "Most people don't even know that they are pregnant yet, let alone know they are miscarrying" - Well, I knew...and it hurts in so many ways.

Now when I am serving women, I understand what so many have been through - and I wish I didn't.  I can't find a way to describe my sadness.  I love my baby who will never be earthside with his/her siblings, Daddy, or me.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever had a loss of a child.

We have been actively trying to conceive again.  It is heartbreaking to have my period revisit me over and over.  I've never had to try before. 

I've been trying to write about this loss for awhile now and always end up deleting it.  Part of me didn't want to share my loss with the world, and another part of me just couldn't get the words onto paper.  Although a lot of the emotions I am feeling now are different than I have with each time I've tried to write, there are so many that just won't go away.  This is a post I tried to write a few weeks ago and never completed...

To my baby who lived only for a few short moments inside of me:


I don't know why you are no longer with us.  I wish you were.


I am sorry for not being the healthiest Mama I could be.


I am sorry for my c-section, I know that it made it difficult to find a safe place to grow.


It hurt physically and emotionally to bleed you from my womb.  As I cried and cleaned myself, I prayed that it didn't hurt you too.

Love to all the Mamas and Babies out there today and everyday.  Thank you for your support and love.
~Meagan

Back to Basics

Family

Before I buy a homeschool curriculum for Stephen, I want to make sure that this decision is still something we both desire and that we are actually capable of succeeding.

I decided that before anything else, I needed to clean house.  We need to surround ourselves with toys and activities that promote imagination play, a growing attention span, and fine motor skills.  I went through all of the bedrooms with a trashbag and a donation box.  I kept the building blocks, tracks, Lincoln Logs, costumes/dress-up clothes, instruments, and their kitchen.  All of the plastic, talking, light-up toys were tossed immediately (sorry to any family and friends who've spent your hard earned money on these gifts for my children).

The house is cleaner, there is A LOT more interactive playtime, and everyone seems genuinely happier. 

As if we don't read enough books as it is, I have designated some extra time slots in the day for reading.  It is one of Stephen's favorite things to do and Delaney is starting to join in the fun, now that she has given up her title of "Queen Close the Books" (thank God).  It is so awesome to have him read stories to me now, because of his developing memorization skills and ability to follow pictures.  It is also so cool to see Delaney get excited about certain books we read.

Stephen and I have been taking advantage of Delaney's nap and working on a lot of crafts and activities.  Our favorites: labeling baggies with letters and going on scavenger hunts to find objects that begin with each letter and put them in the bags, cutting paper (who woulda thunk that would be so fun), and baking in the kitchen.

I'm feeling more and more confident with our homeschooling decision.

Marriage

Mike and I have yet again simplified our lives even more.  As we slowly live more and more off the land, I become more of the wife I have dreamed of being.  My cooking skills have improved and I'm beginning to enjoy the process.  This has also helped to improve our relationship.  It is nice for Mike to come home to dinner already made after a long day at work, and I feel better about myself.

As Mike builds a larger, sturdier coop, I look forward to increasing our flock and beginning the meat bird process.  I'm also looking forward to our master bedroom being completed.  I tell myself it will give us more privacy, but the truth is that I enjoy my kids curled up between us.

Birth

My summer break from "doula-ing" was much needed, but it took a lot to not say yes to all of the requests.  I've had some major revelations on my break from births.
1.  Our current medical system is truly robbing women and babies from something they need and deserve.
2.  Who am I to tell a woman whether or not she was empwoered or satisfied with her birth?

I am simply an ear to listen and can offer information/education if they are seeking it.  But, I will continue to fight for the right of women AND babies to experience a natural, empowering, spiritual, peaceful and gentle birth.  If the information I put out there offends a few, I am sorry.  The information and stories NEED to get out there to at least plant the seed in ALL people. 

My heart breaks for the moms and babies who are undergoing cesarean sections, inductions and all interventions that are not medically necessary.  "Big babies", going past 40 weeks, and being uncomfortable are not medical reasons to intervene.  Careproviders should be held responsible for their lack of TRUE informed consent, and moms HAVE to educate themselves - not just for their own experience, but for their innocent babies who don't have the ability to speak up for themselves. 

I have decided to start working toward my CBE certification and offer classes to help with the education process.  I am so excited about this next step, but am deeply saddened by the number of pregnant women who seem to have no desire to learn more.  I pray that they get the birth they are looking for and that in future pregnancies they open their minds to further educating themselves on all the different options and aspects of childbirth.

I am so thankful for all of my new clients (and past)!  It is an inspiration to see more and more women taking their births back!

Trust your body.  Trust your baby.  Trust birth.

I Love Placentas!!!

I love birth.  I love babies.  And I love mommas.  There is something about Mother Nature's perfection that just draws me to be involved in any way I can with birth.  For those of you who don't know this about me already - I also love placentas! 

I am so very confused and distraught by the fact that so many women don't do anything with their placentas, cut the cord immediately, never even see their placenta, and then allow some doctor to dispose of it like it is garbage.  It makes me want to scream!!  Why can't we show our babies' life source some respect??  There are so many benefits to respecting your placenta. 

1. Just leave the cord attached and let the placenta deliver on its own - your baby receiving the last 1/3 of his/her blood supply will thank you.
2. Taking the time to observe this amazing thing can help you to gain more respect for your body and yourself as a mother.  You made that baby.  You made the placenta too - and without it, baby couldn't survive.
3. All of the hormones and the blood and everything you pushed out of you when you birth your baby, is lost.  But your placenta holds all of those nutrients and hormones a woman needs to rebalance herself physically and emotionally.  It is perfect for you because it IS you!
4. And if you aren't comfortable eating your placenta or taking it in capsule form, bury it.  The plants and trees planted on top or around the placenta will thrive (this alone should show you the power of your placenta)! 
Give back to yourself and the earth!  Don't throw it in the garbage.

Now that you know how much I love placentas, I'm sure you can imagine how excited I get when I receive a call or an e-mail to encapsulate a placenta.  !!!  I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it.  I love when women love their placentas!

I just finished an encapsulation today, and loved every minute of it. 

That amazing organ kept a little boy alive inside of his mother for 9 months.  I am so honored that she trusted me with such a precious part of her.  I treated it with the utmost respect as I prepared it through each stage.

And as I bottled up the last of the capsules, I gave the placenta and that beautiful mother/baby a blessing.

Respect and love your body.  Respect and love your baby.  Respect and love your placenta.

A Birth Day Reminder

Today at 8:38am my son turned 3 years old.  We celebrated his birthday on Sunday with a small family and neighbor party, and we celebrated all day yesterday with just our family of four.  Mike couldn't get off work today, so we told Stephen that yesterday was his birthday. (Is that bad??)

Our party wasn't to start until 2pm on Sunday, so we had high hopes that we'd be able to finish cleaning up the yard and house before everyone arrived.  At one point Mike called me outside to observe our new honey bees.  As we watched for about 15 minutes, the bees went from a few hundred flying around the hive, to 20,000 (not an exaggeration) in a black, buzzing tornado.  They swarmed their way across our property and into our back field where they formed a tight ball at the bottom of a 4ft sappling - thank God they didn't settle at the top of a 40ft Oak tree.  What an amazing sight to see!  We immediately called my dad (who drove over in record time) and he helped Mike to cut off the branch holding the bees and put them back into the hive box.  During this whole ordeal I began to get extremely stressed, realizing that it was near impossible to make the house presentable before the guests arrived.  Luckily my mom tagged along with my dad and took the kids outside so that I could finish cleaning and get a quick shower in.

Our neighbor showed up with her 3 year old son - who Stephen claims is his best friend - and they took off playing.  One of our other neighbors showed up along with his ex-wife and 11 year old son.  His ex, Brandy, brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers in congratulations for giving birth to Stephen --- It was at this moment that I forgot about all of the party nonsense and began to remember/reminisce/reprocess the birth of my son.

The rest of my family showed up (Mike's family couldn't make it for various reasons) and the adults sat back with cocktails and good coversation while the kids ran out all of their built up energy.

As usual, we said NO GIFTS.  And as usual, no one listened...so Stephen opened them.  Lots of bubbles, trucks & tractors, and Lincoln Logs from the neighbors. 

A Sandbox from my sister's family.  A bunch of sandbox toys from my brother's family.

A fishing pole and tackle box from my parents.

And a real bike with training wheels from us - I can't believe I didn't catch the look on his face with the camera when Mike brought the bike out.

Mike lit up the grill, and dinner was phenomenal!  I pulled out my Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes for the Happy Birthday Song, and they were a hit (a post coming soon about these fantastic cupcakes).  As Stephen blew out his last candle, I looked at the clock.  It was at exactly this moment 3 years ago that my water had broken.  Emotions rushed through me.  I was quietly reliving what I look back on as a nightmare and a blessing.

Everyone began to make their way home, the kids were finally asleep, and I laid myself down to bed.

I tossed and turned and cried all night as I remembered tossing and turning that same night 3 years prior.
"Where are my contractions?"  "Why isn't labor beginning?"  "I don't want to be induced tomorrow!"  I was filled with anger at myself for being stupid enough to believe that I HAD to go into the hospital in the morning and that I HAD to be induced.  Everything I researched and learned about childbirth, and I had no idea how much safer my baby and I would have been if we would have just stayed home until active labor began - or just stayed home...period.

I awoke yesterday morning feeling like a train had hit me.  Mike cleaned up from the party and ventured out to the BMV to take care of his car.  I packed up the kids and we took a long country drive out to pick up a client's placenta.  I was imagining the 30+ minute drive to the hospital. Mike had stopped for breakfast, but I was so nervous and sick to my stomach, I didn't order anything.  I kicked myself in the butt.  Maybe if I would have eaten, I would have had the strength to push through without the epidural and I would have been able to move around to get Stephen into the anterior position to push him out.  Or maybe my body just needed those nutrients to get contractions going on their own.

Stephen's "fake" birthday went on and I thought about the anticipation, the fear, and the pain.  Strapped to those damn monitors with the evil pitocin drip.
Stephen was overtired and grumpy.  We all were.  I couldn't focus on anything but his birth.
I escaped my memories just in time to get in some good playing before bed.  But alas - my bed was waiting for me...and so were my thoughts.
Again I tossed and turned.  I watched myself in that hospital bed like an out of body experience.  I fought all night.  And then I saw myself give up.  I gave up.  How could I do that to my baby?  2am.  Epidural.
My birth story is already written down.  I don't need to recant it.

This morning at 8:38am, I hugged my son.  I kissed him.  I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was - because 3 years ago I couldn't.  And I would take it back in a heartbeat.

Happy Birthday, Stephen.  I hope one day I can make it up to you for how I brought you into this world.  I love you more than I could ever describe.  And I truly am sorry.