What to put in your hospital bag?

I have had many clients and friends ask me about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.  The number one question out of every hospital birthing mother is this, "What are the best things to pack in my hospital bag?"

I have put together a generic list that obviously can be adjusted depending on the mother and her personal comforts and needs.

 - Your labor/birth outfit.  It can be difficult to talk the hospital staff out of making you wear the hospital gown but if you can, make sure it is something comfy that is easily removed and you don't mind it getting bloody and dirty.  OR if you are like me, you can just give birth in YOUR birthday suit.  :)

 - PJ or sweatpants and comfortable t-shirts or other kind of nursing top.  Make sure these are in your maternity size because it will be quite sometime before you are back to your non-pregnant state.

 - Toothbrush and toothpaste

 - Shower supplies.  Leave the loofah at home and replace it with a nice soft (baby) washcloth for washing those sensitive areas after birth. 

 - Socks and slippers.  Socks because I find the hospital rooms to be a bit chilly, and slippers so you can walk around safely without having to put on shoes.

 - Your own pillow.

 - A snack bag.  Great to have while in labor and postpartum while you wait for the kitchen to be open for mealtimes.  I suggest bringing granola, nuts, fruit bars, crackers...

 - Essential oils.  For aromatherapy purposes.

 - Herbal teas for relaxation and recovery.

 - Chapstick

 - Hairbands

 - Some source of music (Ipod, Ipad, Boombox, Computer...)

 - A book to read

 - And of course your BIRTH PLAN

What else would you add to this list?

A "Birth Day" 200-Fan Giveaway!

Hello, my lonely little blog.  I have neglected you, and for that I am sorry.

As I attempt to organize my very busy life, I have been noticing my Facebook fanbase growing.  How fabulous!!  I find brief moments throughout my day (usually when I'm nursing my daughter) to post articles, update my status, and answer birthy questions on the Facebook Page, all the while brainstorming different blog post topics.  I promise that I will start finding the time to actually post these - there has to be someone who can magically grant me more hours in a day.

But my REAL promise is a 200-Fan Giveaway!!!  I will be giving away my favorite birth video - Naoli Vinaver Lopez' "Birth Day"!  It is an amazing video!  Wonderful for any Mama-to be, Birthworkers' lending libraries, and/or to be shown in Childbirth Classes.  This giveaway is only for United States residents.

So share away!!!  Let's get Nurturing Nature Doula Services to 200 fans and beyond!  I want to spread the good word about the joys and bliss of Pregancy and Childbirth!  We CAN make a difference!  We CAN change society's norm! 

A Mother Blessing (Blessingway) - What is it? And should you have one?

We live in a day where baby showers are the rage.  Lots of women gather together to bring an expecting mother and baby gifts.  Mostly unnecessary, expensive gifts...and most of the gifts are for the baby...with really lame "baby" games (that no one wants to play, but they all want to take home a prize)...horror stories of labor and births...and of course the joking around about how the soon to be mom will never know a good night's sleep again.  Hmmm, sounds like fun.  Sign me up.  Not.

I guess you could say I'm a little bitter over baby showers.  I had to sit through two different showers (one for each side of the family because our families are so big) and I hate to offend anyone, but it was horrible.  Nothing during my entire pregnancy made me want to drink more.  I'll be honest with you, the only things that were useful for either or both of my children were, onesies, receiving blankets (both kids were insane spit-uppers), cloth diapers and the port-a-crib (for those nights I just needed some space and wanted to sleep alone).  Cribs, changing tables, swings, feeding supplies, bedding...all took up a lot of space for a long time and eventually either were sold at a garage sale, used to build the chicken coop, or went in the garbage.  The more children I have, the more things I get rid of, and the easier it is to be a mother. 

So what is a Mother Blessing, you ask? 

A Mother Blessing is when a group of women (ones that the expecting mom CHOOSES to be with her) gather together to celebrate, pamper, and bless the mother-to-be.  Sometimes gifts are involved, sometimes not.  And if gifts are brought, they are usually just the bare necesseties.

Different rituals can occur at different Blessing Ways.  It all depends on the personality of the mother and who she surrounds herself with.  A common ritual is for each guest to bring a bead.  The beads are blessed and then placed on a necklace for the mother to wear while she is in labor.  Others distribute candles to all the guests for them to light when the mother goes into labor.  Some mothers-to-be get foot baths and rubs.  Others get their nails painted, hair done and fancy make-up put on. 

This last Mother Blessing that I was at, we had all the guests write a nice letter to the mother-to-be and we wrote down a lot of birth affirmations.  These were all put into a binder for her to look at.  We also did a belly cast of her belly (that we will hopefully get painted soon), and I did my first belly henna on her.

Mother Blessings are full of supportive women and mothers telling positive and empowering birth stories.  They do everything to remove the fear from childbirth and celebrate pregnancy and childbirth as an intense, amazing, joyous event.  A Mother Blessing is women loving women, women supporting women, women helping women,...It is Women Celebrating Women!

My wish is that every mother-to-be can get to experience the love and power that a Mother Blessing brings.  I think it is an absolute necessity.

A New Look, A New Step

I have sat on the computer for DAYS trying to figure out how to personalize my blog and website.  I am so technologically inept, it is ridiculous.  But alas, I have a new look (at least the blog does for now).

Once I attempt to transfer this look over to the website as well, I will get on with my new step in this birthworker process. 

I get calls from a lot of potential doula clients.  I get a massive amount of e-mails and calls for placenta encapsulation.  And I am beginning to get a few inquiries on the Childbirth Preparation Classes.  Yay!  Even if for me (the woman who only takes on 1-2 births per month) this seems like a lot of people interested in bettering their birthing experience, there are SO MANY other women out there who either don't know where to begin in achieving a better birth, or they don't even know it is possible. 

I want to make the blog/website look more appealing in hopes to catch soon-to-be birthing women's eyes.  Once I have completed this task (I totally didn't think it would take me this long), I am going to reprint my pamphlets with my updated information and take a fun drive around the counties I serve and drop them off at health food stores, yoga studios, and chiropractic/wellness centers. 

Here's to spreading the good word about how AWESOME birth can be!

Tell me, how do you like the knew look??

October 15th - Understanding Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I have been working with pregnant women and families on a regular basis for a little while now.  I have had two completely different pregnancies and births, and I find myself able to grasp what a lot of women are going through emotionally and physically.  I like to be that ear to listen and I surround them with love and understanding - because somehow, someway, I usually can understand. 

But not with pregnancy or infant loss. 

The few women I have worked with who have had experiences with a loss have had me digging so deep into my soul to find an emotion or an experience...just so I could try to understand.  The closest I have ever come was bringing myself back to when I was told that Stephen might not live - not being able to hold him, comfort him, nourish him...  The difference:  I was able to bring him home, he is still with me.

Mike and I are fertile.  He laughs when I say we need to "try" for another baby.  He claims that "we don't even have to have sex, we conceive just thinking about it".  And so it happened again.  We conceived the end of July/early August.  He knew I was pregnant as soon as we finished making love, and I knew about 1 week later.  We went about our normal, every day lives knowing that the tests wouldn't show up positive just yet - but there was a bounce in both of our steps.  A few days later I was cleaning and preparing the house for a much welcomed visit from a very old friend.  As I was taking care of the house, I felt a small twinge in my abdomen/uterus area (similar to the feeling I get when I am ovulating).  I thought it was odd, as I have never felt that in any of my other pregnancies.  I went on a little longer with a few more twinges here and there and decided to go to the bathroom to check it out.  Upon wiping, I saw the blood.  I noted that it was odd looking blood - very watery, more pink than anything, and not much at all - but left the bathroom feeling disappointment that I had just gotten my period (way off schedule, by the way) and that my instincts were wrong.  My friend came over soon after and we enjoyed our time together.  She stayed for a few hours, and when Mike came home from work, I informed him that we were not pregnant.  After a few more hours, I went to the bathroom again.  No more blood.  Strange.  I slept on it and began to get excited again.  I had read about implantation bleeding, I looked up the dates, and this would be just about the right time for it.  Hooray!!!  We were pregnant!  We decided to wait a few more days to take a test, just to let those HcG levels grow. 

The night before our test taking day, Mike and I laid in bed giggling about whether or not we'd have another girl or boy.  Our boy name has been picked out for a few years, so we had fun discussing what we would name another daughter - and Oh My!  What would we do if we had another daughter??  That was unheard of on his side of the family (dominated by males).  We went to bed with smiles on our faces.

I woke up August 18th at 4:00am with a shooting pain that started from my back and wrapped around my lower belly.  I told myself it was anything I could think of (I even suggested to myself that I was getting my period - even though I don't get cramping especially something not this painful), and tried to adjust my positioning to ease the pain.  I stayed in bed for about an hour, groaning quietly until I felt the bed wet below me.  I ran to the bathroom to witness my own personal nightmare.  I cleaned myself up the best I could and made my way back into my bedroom.  I whispered into Mike's ear that I thought I was miscarrying.  He giggled for a minute and said "no you're not", and then sat still for a few moments.  He looked over at me and when he witnessed my tears of sadness and pain, he understood what was happening. 

The physical pain lasted about a day and a half.  The blood - that horrible reminder of what was happening - continued for just short of two weeks.  It was heavy, it was weird, and I thought it would never end. 

I reached out to my midwife, a good friend, and a close family member whom I had thought would be my pillar of strength.  The good friend and my midwife said the right things and gave the right advice.  They helped me to get through the initial loss, and my friend has continuously been here for me as I go on.  Never ever did I think that the other person I chose to share my loss with would say the things she said.  I kept my loss quiet because I do understand that some people just don't know what to say and that it may put them in an uncomfortable position.  But when my "pillar of strength" told me that it wasn't that big of a deal because it was so early, I almost vomited.  "It was barely a baby" - Well, it was my baby.  "Most people don't even know that they are pregnant yet, let alone know they are miscarrying" - Well, I knew...and it hurts in so many ways.

Now when I am serving women, I understand what so many have been through - and I wish I didn't.  I can't find a way to describe my sadness.  I love my baby who will never be earthside with his/her siblings, Daddy, or me.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever had a loss of a child.

We have been actively trying to conceive again.  It is heartbreaking to have my period revisit me over and over.  I've never had to try before. 

I've been trying to write about this loss for awhile now and always end up deleting it.  Part of me didn't want to share my loss with the world, and another part of me just couldn't get the words onto paper.  Although a lot of the emotions I am feeling now are different than I have with each time I've tried to write, there are so many that just won't go away.  This is a post I tried to write a few weeks ago and never completed...

To my baby who lived only for a few short moments inside of me:


I don't know why you are no longer with us.  I wish you were.


I am sorry for not being the healthiest Mama I could be.


I am sorry for my c-section, I know that it made it difficult to find a safe place to grow.


It hurt physically and emotionally to bleed you from my womb.  As I cried and cleaned myself, I prayed that it didn't hurt you too.

Love to all the Mamas and Babies out there today and everyday.  Thank you for your support and love.
~Meagan

Back to Basics

Family

Before I buy a homeschool curriculum for Stephen, I want to make sure that this decision is still something we both desire and that we are actually capable of succeeding.

I decided that before anything else, I needed to clean house.  We need to surround ourselves with toys and activities that promote imagination play, a growing attention span, and fine motor skills.  I went through all of the bedrooms with a trashbag and a donation box.  I kept the building blocks, tracks, Lincoln Logs, costumes/dress-up clothes, instruments, and their kitchen.  All of the plastic, talking, light-up toys were tossed immediately (sorry to any family and friends who've spent your hard earned money on these gifts for my children).

The house is cleaner, there is A LOT more interactive playtime, and everyone seems genuinely happier. 

As if we don't read enough books as it is, I have designated some extra time slots in the day for reading.  It is one of Stephen's favorite things to do and Delaney is starting to join in the fun, now that she has given up her title of "Queen Close the Books" (thank God).  It is so awesome to have him read stories to me now, because of his developing memorization skills and ability to follow pictures.  It is also so cool to see Delaney get excited about certain books we read.

Stephen and I have been taking advantage of Delaney's nap and working on a lot of crafts and activities.  Our favorites: labeling baggies with letters and going on scavenger hunts to find objects that begin with each letter and put them in the bags, cutting paper (who woulda thunk that would be so fun), and baking in the kitchen.

I'm feeling more and more confident with our homeschooling decision.

Marriage

Mike and I have yet again simplified our lives even more.  As we slowly live more and more off the land, I become more of the wife I have dreamed of being.  My cooking skills have improved and I'm beginning to enjoy the process.  This has also helped to improve our relationship.  It is nice for Mike to come home to dinner already made after a long day at work, and I feel better about myself.

As Mike builds a larger, sturdier coop, I look forward to increasing our flock and beginning the meat bird process.  I'm also looking forward to our master bedroom being completed.  I tell myself it will give us more privacy, but the truth is that I enjoy my kids curled up between us.

Birth

My summer break from "doula-ing" was much needed, but it took a lot to not say yes to all of the requests.  I've had some major revelations on my break from births.
1.  Our current medical system is truly robbing women and babies from something they need and deserve.
2.  Who am I to tell a woman whether or not she was empwoered or satisfied with her birth?

I am simply an ear to listen and can offer information/education if they are seeking it.  But, I will continue to fight for the right of women AND babies to experience a natural, empowering, spiritual, peaceful and gentle birth.  If the information I put out there offends a few, I am sorry.  The information and stories NEED to get out there to at least plant the seed in ALL people. 

My heart breaks for the moms and babies who are undergoing cesarean sections, inductions and all interventions that are not medically necessary.  "Big babies", going past 40 weeks, and being uncomfortable are not medical reasons to intervene.  Careproviders should be held responsible for their lack of TRUE informed consent, and moms HAVE to educate themselves - not just for their own experience, but for their innocent babies who don't have the ability to speak up for themselves. 

I have decided to start working toward my CBE certification and offer classes to help with the education process.  I am so excited about this next step, but am deeply saddened by the number of pregnant women who seem to have no desire to learn more.  I pray that they get the birth they are looking for and that in future pregnancies they open their minds to further educating themselves on all the different options and aspects of childbirth.

I am so thankful for all of my new clients (and past)!  It is an inspiration to see more and more women taking their births back!

Trust your body.  Trust your baby.  Trust birth.

I Love Placentas!!!

I love birth.  I love babies.  And I love mommas.  There is something about Mother Nature's perfection that just draws me to be involved in any way I can with birth.  For those of you who don't know this about me already - I also love placentas! 

I am so very confused and distraught by the fact that so many women don't do anything with their placentas, cut the cord immediately, never even see their placenta, and then allow some doctor to dispose of it like it is garbage.  It makes me want to scream!!  Why can't we show our babies' life source some respect??  There are so many benefits to respecting your placenta. 

1. Just leave the cord attached and let the placenta deliver on its own - your baby receiving the last 1/3 of his/her blood supply will thank you.
2. Taking the time to observe this amazing thing can help you to gain more respect for your body and yourself as a mother.  You made that baby.  You made the placenta too - and without it, baby couldn't survive.
3. All of the hormones and the blood and everything you pushed out of you when you birth your baby, is lost.  But your placenta holds all of those nutrients and hormones a woman needs to rebalance herself physically and emotionally.  It is perfect for you because it IS you!
4. And if you aren't comfortable eating your placenta or taking it in capsule form, bury it.  The plants and trees planted on top or around the placenta will thrive (this alone should show you the power of your placenta)! 
Give back to yourself and the earth!  Don't throw it in the garbage.

Now that you know how much I love placentas, I'm sure you can imagine how excited I get when I receive a call or an e-mail to encapsulate a placenta.  !!!  I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it.  I love when women love their placentas!

I just finished an encapsulation today, and loved every minute of it. 

That amazing organ kept a little boy alive inside of his mother for 9 months.  I am so honored that she trusted me with such a precious part of her.  I treated it with the utmost respect as I prepared it through each stage.

And as I bottled up the last of the capsules, I gave the placenta and that beautiful mother/baby a blessing.

Respect and love your body.  Respect and love your baby.  Respect and love your placenta.

Childbirth Preparation Classes: Why wouldn't you?

I can't even come close to describing the number of women (friends, family and strangers) I approach who are pregnant, who giggle or turn up their noses to the thought of childbirth preparation classes.  Now I'll admit, I was one of them during my first pregnancy - and boy was that a mistake.  Thank God I wisened up and took them during my second pregnancy.

What is it about childbirth preparation classes that makes women giggle and turn up those noses?  Did you read so much about birth that you don't think there is anything more you could possibly learn about?  Do you think your careprovider is actually telling you all need to know to have an empowering birth?  Do you think these classes are just for natural childbirth/homebirth/hippy women?
OR
Are you afraid to find out that childbirth is pretty much NOTHING like that childbirth "bible" you read - "What to Expect When You're Expecting"?  Are you afraid to find out that the careprovider you have chosen may possibly be telling you incorrect information - and maybe it's more about their job being made easier rather than you having a satisfying experience?  Are you afraid to discover that the place of birth you have chosen is not where you feel safest?  Are you afraid to find out that labor and birth does not have to be a horrific, out-of-control painful experience?  Do you not want to hear that labor is HARD WORK that YOU (not your careprovider) have to do?  Are you afraid to find out that all those drugs that your friends and family claim to be amazing because they "hurried it up" and "took away the pain", are actually putting that innocent little life you have created, at risk?

Is the giggling laughter, or is it a defense mechanism to hide the fear we have surrounding childbirth?

Why wouldn't you take childbirth preparation classes??  It can't hurt!!!  It is 1-2 hours, 1 day a week, for about 6-8 weeks.  What else were you going to do?  Watch TV?  Finish up some work?  Clean the house? 
Why can't you take 1-2 hours, 1 day a week, for about 6-8 weeks to focus on you and that beautiful baby growing inside of you?

You will learn about nutrition, drugs and interventions, coping mechanisms for labor, different places to birth your baby and different kinds of careproviders.  You will learn about the hormonal blueprint of labor and how different emotions and environments can effect the entire process.  You will discover your personal beliefs and your fears.  You will be in a safe place to vocalize (or write down) your fears and work through them. 
And on top of all that knowledge, you will walk away with confidence and trust in YOURSELF and YOUR body. 

Is this kind of knowledge and confidence harmful to your pregnancy, labor and birth?  Absolutely not.  It could be the very thing that prevents your birth from becoming a surgical birth - whether it being a cascade of interventions leading to episiotomy/forcep birth, or an unnecessary cesarean made necessary because of intervention. It also can help you process a necessary surgical birth due to REAL complications and not someone else's time limit.

So again.  Childbirth Preparation Classes:  Why wouldn't you???

Don't know where to begin and what kind of classes to take???  Start here with my favorites!

BirthWorks
The Bradley Method
Birthing From Within
Also - a lot of doulas provide childbirth prep classes.  Find a doula that you are comfortable with and see if she offers classes or maybe she will have some good recommendations!

Computer-Cation

So, I took a break from social networking.  I found that my normal embrace of differences of opinion was turning into me feeling attacked and overly defensive - and days after a debate/argument, I was still stewing and yelling at my husband for things he couldn't care less about.  My revelation? (well, I've known this all along...just decided to finally listen to myself.)  Social networking and friends should never leave you angry and bitter for days following a disagreement.  So alas, I distanced myself from the computer and said friends.  :)

I call this my "Computer-Cation".
And what did I do, you ask?
Well I will tell you!

I played hard!

I got a ton of one on one time with Stephen - and realized in the process that he is incredible at talking like a pirate!  ARRRGH! (The pic above is his pirate face)
Stephen, Delaney and I spent countless hours putting costumes on and playing pretend.  We read massive amounts of books and created some new veggie concoction treats so that snacktime was full of healthy treats.

We went to one of our newest and best friends' house for a cookout and let the kids explore and play while we enjoyed some adult cocktails.  We cashed in a "free" babysitting night from our awesome babysitter...she came over to watch the kids, and we never left the house.  We enjoyed our backyard and eachother and didn't have to pay to go out anywhere.

We laughed, cried and stressed over my husband's job situation that went from getting screwed, finding a new job, putting in his notice, to being offered enough to stay - all in a 24 hour period.
Playdates with my sister's kids and a very good friend's kids.
Parks, rivers, hikes, boatrides...
We made delicious dinners out of the little food we had, due to the job situation.  We spent out evenings playing outside with the neighbors or dancing around inside to blaring music off youtube.

I let the house get messy so that I wouldn't miss a moment with my kids.

We gardened - A LOT.
Mike put in an awesome stone pathway up to the house.
Our washing machine broke (sappy country song, right?), and I have learned how to wash clothes by hand - surprisingly, I'm loving it.

I was able to meet some new babies and check in on some not-so-new babes.
I turned down some potential births due to distance and timing :(, but picked up some back-up doula work and a few placenta encapsulations.  :)

All in all, a fabulous computer-cation.  And although my posts are going to keep coming while I nurse my daughter in the quiet darkness of the computer room, I think this vacation is going to become a permanent vacation.  I am happier, less stressed, soaking up the sun, and not missing a second of the Adventures of Stephen and Delaney!

Things are looking up for the DePerro Household!

We're in a Real Big Mess

The first thing you see under the description of most OBs, is SURGEON.  Why in the world are we going to surgeons when we are pregnant?  What about pregnancy makes us think "knife"?? 

I am sad, and sick, and angry...and baffled by the way our society thinks!

Did you know that pregnancy and birth is a NORMAL, PHYSIOLOGICAL process???  Cuz it is.  In 97% of births, there is absolutely NO NEED for a cesarean.  But they are cutting us up like we are pieces of meat.  33% of births end in cesarean in the U.S.  And the number keeps rising.  We have some of the HIGHEST infant and maternal mortality rates in ALL THE WORLD.  What's wrong with this picture? 

Women and babies NEED vaginal births.  We have to stop this epidemic before it kills us. 

Arm yourself with knowledge.  Stop putting your trust in others and trust yourself.  Educate yourself on your options.  You DO have options!  Protect yourself.  And my God, Protect Your Babies.

This isn't a joke.  This is serious.  We're messing with Nature...and there is always a backlash when we mess with Nature.

We're in a real big mess...

I'm not green. I'm better than green!

Who woulda thunk it - I walked away from a cesarean birth feeling positive.  Was it a necessary cesarean?  That is for each individual to decide on their own and in their own time.  The soon-to-be parents knew all of their options (including the options that the hospital staff did not give them), and because of certain situations and personal reasons, they opted to stay where they were and see how everything turned out.  As they neared the "deadline" the doctor gave, they started to really prepare emotionally for a c-section.  It was incredibly uplifting to see the transformation of planned natural childbirth to cesarean, but never giving up hope that maybe just maybe she had dilated enough to continue laboring.  Their time ran out and a cesarean was agreed upon.  We talked long and hard about how mom's state of mind could affect the environment to which the baby was born.  Dad and I encouraged peace and relaxation - even though we both knew how difficult it was. 
After they brought her into recovery, she told me how successful she had been - She listened to her headphones and imagined herself on a warm beach near the water.  Because of this, their baby was brought into a peaceful and loving environment - and you could tell as soon as you saw him.  As soon as he started to get hungry and root for his mother, Mom was ready to begin nursing.  It was a beautiful moment to see baby latch perfectly and Mom gain confidence in her body and as a mother.

I have one more "free-of-charge" birth coming up any day now, and I am desperately looking forward to watching this couple unfold in the labor and birth process as new parents.  The transformations I witness in just a few short hours is incredibly breath-taking.  Nature is truly amazing!

My birthday was earlier this month, and my sister-in-law and brother really gave me a touching gift.  They had talked to another well-known doula, with whom they are taking childbirth classes and hypnobirthing classes from, and put together a beautiful basket full of necessary things for my doula bag.  It really meant the world to me.  I can't wait to put some of the stuff to use!

I'm really looking forward to finishing up this certification.  It will be a great sense of accomplishment for me.  As soon as I am done, I am going to start the CBE certification and the Women's Herbal and Aromatherapy course.  I'm sure I won't move through these courses as quickly because I have so much to do around this house over the summer.  We have a side room that used to be a garage, that we are turning into our master bedroom with a full bath.  Once the weather warms up and we can turn off our heat, we will get started.  I am so looking forward to having a little more privacy in our house.  I'm planning on setting up my tea station and sewing table in there as well.  We also have got to finish off this chicken coop.  Our chickens are rather large and are escaping into our house.  I can't wait until they start laying.  I know we will get more eggs than we need, so I have put together a ton of recipes for custards and such so that I can use them up.  I also vowed to no longer buy pasta - looks like I will be making my own.  And then there's the garden.  I'm beginning to get a little overwhelmed with how large it is going to be, but I can't wait for harvesting time and starting the preservation process.  And who doesn't love watching nature at it's best - growing from tiny little seeds, flowering and fruits, and then dying off and feeding the soil with its nutrients.  It is almost as exciting as watching a mama's belly grow with a beautiful baby.  Oh yea, and the bees.  The unassembled hive just came in and the bees are getting picked up in a few days.  Thankfully my dad is helping out and putting the hive together for me.  He's going to start the bees at his house and transfer them over here once Mike's birthday rolls around.
Ahhh, the busy life we live.  Hopefully I'll be able to add a few births to this mix as well.

Mike and I have really been daydreaming about opening our market.  We've been working so hard to educate ourselves and get better at what we already know how to do.  We definitely have learned from our mistakes after running that first business.  Now all we have to do is come into a massive amount of money to start the business...  Sounds so simple.  Anyone have a massive amount of money??  :)

After all of this craziness leads us back into yet another winter, I am hoping to enter that season with baby #3 on the way.  I know we have to have a lot of things come together before we can take that next step, but I'm praying like crazy it all does.  I'm really itching to add another member to the family.

So this is my somewhat boring update on my life right now.  As I read over what I have written, I realize one thing.  We're a pretty cool family.  We are definitely survivors.  We're strong, competent, smart, healthy....and what the hell - good looking.  Haha. 

Please keep sending positive thoughts and prayers for this upcoming birth. 

Tribute to Dads - A Project

Even though my husband disagrees about the month I am picking, I am going to dedicate the month of May to the Dads.

There is so much we can learn from the men who were by our side through the pregnancies, labors and births.  Birth affects our lives as women so much - but it changes our partners' lives too. 

I want to gather as many birth stories from the man's perspective as possible, and post them throughout the entire month of May.  How important it is for them to be heard!  As mothers, we can learn what we did and didn't do that made them happy and sad.  As doulas and other careproviders, we can learn how better to support the partners through the birth process as well.  And for soon to be dads, they can learn to prepare for what lies ahead and how they can be helpful to the process.

My husband has written down his experiences and I am so excited to read them and post them for others to read (and I know he is too).  If anyone is uncomfortable with their name being attatched to their story, I would be happy to post it as an anonymous letter.

I will be taking entries until May 14th.

Thank you, and I hope you participate!

Please send your birth stories to deperro@windstream.net

So much to learn from

Still new to the "doula" scene, but thought I was flawless.  My first few births were smooth sailing, and I was confident in the support I provided.  But alas, I have been humbled.  Even though this last birth was successful in its ultimate goal, I walked away feeling like a failure and wanting to quit.

I have had a few sleepless nights since the birth (on top of the sleepless night during the labor and birth), and I think I have finally gotten some of my emotions and thoughts together. 

I watched a VBAC momma hit mental block after mental block, and I sat there...helpless...not knowing what I could do to help.  Not only have I attended a VBAC before, but I have VBAC'd myself!  I know all about the mental blocks that a woman experiences as she tries, yet again, for a vaginal birth.  I am "miss emotional support"!  What happened to me?  Why couldn't I say the right things to help her move past these? 

I was so full of doubt and disappointment (in myself), that I forgot about the other important things a doula needs to do.  I stopped reminding her of position changes, I stopped protecting her from inconsiderate comments made by the "medical professionals", I just stopped.  And labor got "stuck".  I took a break (one of many) and went home to have dinner with my family.  I was a complete mess.  Sobbing over the idea that I was a failure and I was failing this tremendous woman who "needed" me so badly.  Thankfully I have a husband who has his head on a little straighter than I do.  He calmed me down, reminded me that this wasn't my birth, and also reminded me that only one person can move through these blocks - the laboring woman.  And he was right.  I hit block after block, and although I had a massive amount of supportive women around me, only I could move past them.  And I did.

I went back to the hospital (my husband's words had not rang true with me yet), and tried to get out of my head and into the birth.  Luckily for me (and I think for all of us), a good friend of ours came to offer some extra support.  She was like a doula for all of us.  She gently reminded position changes and relaxation.  She encouraged physical support that I wasn't expecting to do - which was awesome because I felt useful and got to use my homemade oils!

And then she pushed.  And while she pushed, I wanted to punch the rude nurse standing across from me...but I didn't.  We whispered words of encouragement and love.  And she pushed her baby out into her open arms.

Could I have done more to support this amazing woman in her labor and birth?  Absolutely.  Will I ever forgive myself?  Probably not.  But I am going to try.  And I am going to take so much from this birth to help me move forward and grow as a doula.

I am truly honored that I was able to witness this beautiful birth, and I am thankful that I had this experience. 

Birth Plans - Making them stick!

I'd like to think that everytime a staff of nurses get a copy of a woman's birth plan, they say - "Yes!  A woman is taking control of her birth!  Let's help her get the experience she desires!"
Unfortunately, I don't think this happens every day.  Not that I don't believe there are amazing nurses who support natural childbirth, I just don't think there are as many as we would like.

So we write a birth plan, describing everything we want and don't want at every possible stage of labor, and we even throw in those "in case of emergency" points.  STOP!  Erase, delete, burn!  I don't care, just get rid of that damned thing. 

My first bit of advice - and remember, this is not medical advice...I have nothing backing what I say, other than my own personal experience - Don't write anything about the first stage of labor.  Labor at home!  You'll be a million times more comfortable, nobody is going to be sticking things inside of you, you can rest without someone coming in to wake you up and ask you to "rate" your pain, you can eat, you can drink, you can sit on the toilet without being disrupted (unless you have a 2 year old in the house), music, tv, prayer, dance, dah dah dah dah dah...and the list goes on.  Save yourself some sanity, and scrap the whole first half of your birth plan. 
Now, if you are planning on giving birth in a hospital, I imagine that you would like to arrive to the place of birth BEFORE the baby completely emerges from your vagina.  If I am correct, and you want a natural birth, you may want to jot down, "PLEASE do NOT offer chemical pain relief".  Done.  Simple as that.  They get the point, and you didn't come off as a crazy whack-job who is trying to tell them how to do their jobs.

If you leave it like this, there is no room for discussion.  The only way things will change, is if there is a TRUE emergency - and in that case, there will be no discussion.  Don't give anybody the opportunity to talk to you about a "possible emergency if this and this and that happen".  There could be a possible emergency if I walk out my front door right now...but I'm still gonna go ahead and do it.  There are dangers in everything we do, but we know that for low-risk mothers; natural, vaginal childbirth is the safest way to go.

I also don't think you should write about pushing.  If you are pushing with no chemical pain relief, you are pushing when you feel the need to push.  Believe me...NO ONE can stop you.  If they try to coach you, just ignore them.  You don't need coaching.  And whatever position feels good to push in, get in that position.  If they argue with you, ignore them (as long as somebody can catch the baby).  A woman who is truly having a natural childbirth, can not be disrupted at this time.  She is so primal, so instinctual.  There is almost nothing anybody can do to bring her out of this.  Just push.  You'll know how when you get there.

CONGRATULATIONS!  You had your beautiful baby! 
Now let's get writing. 
Your baby is no longer protected in your womb.  You are high as a kite with love and joy. 
This is where, I believe, you need to give step by step, moment by moment direction.  This is your baby.  You are the only one who has this amazing connection with him/her.  You need to protect your baby. 
Everything from umbilical cord care, to newborn exams, to breastfeeding.  Write it down.  Write it all down.  And bring 40 signed copies with you.  Have your partner and doula hand them out to every staff member they see.
You may think I am going overboard about this...but you are the protector of your baby.  Protect them.

So your birth plan is written.  Your L&D nurses will probably be pretty respectful and leave you alone, because you did the same for them.  This will make for an enjoyable birthing experience.  After the baby is born, it doesn't really matter how crazy the nurses think you are.  The only thing that matters is that your baby is in your arms.  Don't let that baby go. 
Go home.
Enjoy motherhood.

Nesting...

I feel like I go through all the "symptoms" of labor when I am waiting for a client to go into labor. 
I am nesting like you wouldn't believe.  Unfortunately my kids aren't cooperating, so it is turning into a meltdown frantic kind of day.

Part of me wonders if the nesting is because of the connection I have with laboring women.  The other part of me just wonders if it is because I know that while I am with a laboring woman, somebody will probably be at my house watching the kids - and I get so embarrassed if it is messy.

Either way, I'm nesting.  Uncontrollably.  I am hoping this is the only symptom I experience.  With one of my other clients, I knew when she went into labor before she called me.  I started to get really crampy and within minutes, my phone rang.  At least in the future I won't think something is dreadfully wrong with me, and I can just go ahead and take that as a sign to start getting my things together for the birth.

I am so looking forward to this upcoming birth.  Any day now, another beautiful baby will be in the arms of his beautiful mother.  What a wonderful life I have, being able  to witness this and help these amazing, powerful women enjoy their birthing experiences.

I think I need to put down the cleaning supplies, brew a cup of tea, and share some quality time with my amazing kids.  The beautiful thing about what I do, is that I can share my experiences with my kids.  They love to hear the stories of the babies growing in their mommy's bellies and how the babies come out into this world.  Not only do I get to share the miraculous stories with them, but I am able to reflect on what it is that I do.  Awesome!

Before I brew that cup of tea, I think I'm gonna pop on some tunes and wash the kitchen floor.  :)

Moving Forward

As I rested in bed, Delaney laid curled up in my stomach with her face snuggled into my breast.  She had a lazy latch, and as she dreamed, she would suckle softly and quietly.  Stephen curled up to my back with his feet by my head and his head by my butt.  I giggled at the beautiful sight we make at naptime and bedtime.  I sighed and pondered what it was that was keeping me awake...

I have only started, but I love being a doula.  I love that I have been called to do this, and I know that I am going down the path, slowly, to becoming a midwife. 

I toss and turn every night reenacting in my mind what I imagine my next prenatal appointments will be like with my clients.  I have dedicated myself to women and families who are going to have very challenging labors and births.  This is a challenge for me, but it is the only way I know how to learn and grow.  The first birth I "attended" was a cesarean.  Now I have a VBAC and a single teenager getting prepared to bring new life in this world. 

I find myself challenged in many different ways.  For me, it is easy being with Mom.  Mom chose me to be with her, and for the most part, knows what she wants.  Trying to get the family, friends and staff (of the hospitals) surrounding these Moms, to be a strong support system, is not so easy.  I imagined that being a doula would simply be holding a woman's hand and encouraging her as she went through the process.  I never thought I would have to educate family and friends about the birth process, why what the Mom wants is healthy, and how to leave their past experiences at the door and focus entirely on Mom.  I'm afraid of the battles that could occur, and I am excited to show my expertise in avoiding conflict and preventing problems. 

I want to ensure that the VBAC is indeed a VBAC and not a repeat cesarean - but I don't want to take away from any special moments between Mom and Dad. 
I want this young Mom to see labor and birth as the beautiful and intense experience that it is - but I don't want to offend her mother by making her feel like her birth experiences were "wrong" or unhealthy. 
I want to protect these women in their birth space - but where do I draw the line and not step over the boundaries they have with themselves and their families?

I guess my challenge is, myself. 

I pray that these women will walk away full of joy and excitement from their experiences.  I want them to have good experiences to look back on, and I want to know that I was able to contribute to these experiences...But when they look back, I don't want them to remember me.  I want them to remember just their family and friends whom they had invited to welcome these precious beings into the world. 

Just remember me long enough to pass my name on to another expecting woman, so that she too can share in such an amazing, life changing moment.

Is it really birth?

I recently "attended" my first "birth" - other than my own - and it was quite an experience for me.  I wasn't able to do my job as a doula because I had a 3 week old at home who needed to be nursed often.  But I did stay by this woman's side for about 9-10 hours of her "labor". 

I learned a lot from this first experience.  I saw first hand how much a woman's emotional stability affects the outcome of her birth.  For her privacy, I will call the woman Jess. 
When I first met Jess, she was planning on scheduling a cesarean section because she had been diagnosed with multiple high risk pregnancy diseases.  She felt that she was okay with having a cesarean.  But Jess, being the incredible woman that she is, listened to all of my horror stories about my cesarean and opened her mind to the possibility of vaginal birth - and not just vaginal birth, but natural vaginal birth.  She armed herself with knowledge and talked to her doctor and became a mini advocate for natural childbirth. 
As her due date came closer, she became more and more excited and anxious as every first time mother does.  Her doctor warned her that her baby would be too large to birth vaginally if she went past her due date and scheduled an induction date for her.  Jess was not happy about an induction, so she did everything in her power to talk the baby out before then...to no avail. 
Not only were they planning on inducing her, the doctors had her come in the night before the induction to try to soften the cervix.  As if labor isn't hard enough work, they gave her extra hard labor with the pitocin and took away the much needed sleep before the induction. 
After about 4-5 hours of induced labor and only a few centimeters dilated, Jess asked for an epidural.  She apologized and thought she was being a wimp.  I had to remind her that it didn't matter how much she was dilated, she was having unnaturally painful contractions.  I probably would've gotten the epidural too. 
As she lay there, permanantly on her back, pain free, and bored, I watched how the nurses and doctors treated her.  Although they all seemed to be kind, not one of them checked on how she was doing emotionally.  I never heard REAL words of encouragement.  They just continuously reminded her that "this part" takes really long - it wouldn't take so long if she was at home, living her day to day life, not even knowing that she was softening and opening.  Nature made the first part easy for us. 
I even heard the one nurse tell her and her family that the epidural barely passes through the placenta and causes no harm to the baby (is this what we call informed consent now adays??? telling lies??), that the epidural actually gives the baby more oxygen (news to me!!!  then why do they have you where an oxygen mask when you get it??), and that pushing is easier with the epidural (maybe for them)!!!!  UNBELIEVABLE!
I watched as fear, boredom, self doubt, and exhaustion took over my mini advocate.  It was beyond depressing.  I left late that night, knowing that her family would be by her side if there were any changes, and went home to my own family to nurse them off to bed.  I prayed the whole ride home that the baby and mom would be safe and that God would let happen what was meant to happen - even though I hated what I knew the outcome would be. 
In the middle of the night I received a message from Jess, with the picture of a baby, delivered by cesarean section.
The doctors say she gave birth to a baby boy, just as they say I gave birth to a boy two years ago. 
Is birth pumping a mother and unborn child full of synthetic hormones???  Is birth interrupting the natural hormonal blueprint?
Is birth yanking a baby out of an incision in the abdomen??
Her baby was of average size, maybe even on the smaller side.  I'd be interested to see what their reasons were for the cesarean - failure to progress?  CPD?  fetal distress/the baby couldn't handle labor?  
All reasons to make the mother feel a little more like a failure.  Her body isn't cut out for childbirth or it can't make a baby healthy enough to handle labor.  I wonder if they will ever write in their records that the outcome of the labor was because they made a mistake and screwed up the process.  I want them to rightfully take the blame for once.
A mother is affected emotionally by a surgery like this.  It takes a long time to heal from a cesarean - and not just physically.
Everyday I look at my son and wonder, how does he heal from this?  He was ripped from his mother's womb, whipped around like a ragdoll and taken from me for a very long time.
He doesn't get a second chance at birth...