Another Childbirth Prep Course Complete!

Last night I finished another 6 week Childbirth Preparation Course. It is always a bittersweet experience for me. One night a week for 6 weeks I am kid free for a few hours, teaching about what I love most. I develop relationships with amazing couples who are reaching out for the information on how to safely, gently, and peacefully bring their babies into this world. I walk away inspired by the women and couples who are taking back their births.

This class was no different. I consider them all friends and sisters in motherhood and life. I am so proud of the work they are putting into their prenatal care and the experience they are going to have so soon.

Every class presents me with different challenges. Every couple is different and every group of couples are different - whether it be VBACers, First time moms, Hospital Birthers, Homebirthers, or Hypnobabies students...No class or course is the same.

Week 6 is always my favorite. It's the class where any final questions are asked and we sit and watch videos of beautiful births, the types of births I hope they all get to experience. I had planned on only viewing "Birth Day" this class, but when I realized it was only 11 minutes long we added "Orgasmic Birth" as well. I love watching all the videos that my husband is so sick of watching with me.

I hope that I was able to help these women on their journeys to motherhood. I have the utmost confidence that all three couples will achieve the birth experience they desire and walk away feeling empowered.


Only two of the couples were able to make it to the final class.

A Mother Blessing (Blessingway) - What is it? And should you have one?

We live in a day where baby showers are the rage.  Lots of women gather together to bring an expecting mother and baby gifts.  Mostly unnecessary, expensive gifts...and most of the gifts are for the baby...with really lame "baby" games (that no one wants to play, but they all want to take home a prize)...horror stories of labor and births...and of course the joking around about how the soon to be mom will never know a good night's sleep again.  Hmmm, sounds like fun.  Sign me up.  Not.

I guess you could say I'm a little bitter over baby showers.  I had to sit through two different showers (one for each side of the family because our families are so big) and I hate to offend anyone, but it was horrible.  Nothing during my entire pregnancy made me want to drink more.  I'll be honest with you, the only things that were useful for either or both of my children were, onesies, receiving blankets (both kids were insane spit-uppers), cloth diapers and the port-a-crib (for those nights I just needed some space and wanted to sleep alone).  Cribs, changing tables, swings, feeding supplies, bedding...all took up a lot of space for a long time and eventually either were sold at a garage sale, used to build the chicken coop, or went in the garbage.  The more children I have, the more things I get rid of, and the easier it is to be a mother. 

So what is a Mother Blessing, you ask? 

A Mother Blessing is when a group of women (ones that the expecting mom CHOOSES to be with her) gather together to celebrate, pamper, and bless the mother-to-be.  Sometimes gifts are involved, sometimes not.  And if gifts are brought, they are usually just the bare necesseties.

Different rituals can occur at different Blessing Ways.  It all depends on the personality of the mother and who she surrounds herself with.  A common ritual is for each guest to bring a bead.  The beads are blessed and then placed on a necklace for the mother to wear while she is in labor.  Others distribute candles to all the guests for them to light when the mother goes into labor.  Some mothers-to-be get foot baths and rubs.  Others get their nails painted, hair done and fancy make-up put on. 

This last Mother Blessing that I was at, we had all the guests write a nice letter to the mother-to-be and we wrote down a lot of birth affirmations.  These were all put into a binder for her to look at.  We also did a belly cast of her belly (that we will hopefully get painted soon), and I did my first belly henna on her.

Mother Blessings are full of supportive women and mothers telling positive and empowering birth stories.  They do everything to remove the fear from childbirth and celebrate pregnancy and childbirth as an intense, amazing, joyous event.  A Mother Blessing is women loving women, women supporting women, women helping women,...It is Women Celebrating Women!

My wish is that every mother-to-be can get to experience the love and power that a Mother Blessing brings.  I think it is an absolute necessity.

Enjoying Birth Guest Blogger: Jackie

I love this birth story.  Not just because Jackie is my dearest friend, but because it is so real.  She is so real and honest.  I remember talking to her shortly after the birth of her daughter (she had K approx. 10 days after I had Delaney), and when asking her what she thought about it, she said, "It was INTENSE and AWESOME!!!"  I felt the same way. 

Jackie is due with her second child, a son, in a few weeks.  She has a different midwife this time (and I'm her doula!) and I can't wait for her to go through this experience surrounded by family and friends again and a positive, trusting birth support team!  I love you, Jackie!  Thank you for letting me share your story.  Her story can also be found here.

 

So this journey began a few weeks before our sixth wedding anniversary. I was in the kitchen cooking while Thorsten watched laughing. I became irritated and asked him what was so damn funny.

“You’re pregnant.”

Yeah that helped my mood. Of course I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. Sure as hell didn’t want to be. But the curiosity stayed with me for the next few weeks. I was never on time with my cycle-endometriosis tends to do that. Besides, the doctors told us we couldn’t have kids. His remark kept nagging at me. I went to the drugstore and bought a test to prove him wrong. It was December 9, 2009, the day before our anniversary.

I couldn’t wait to go home and take the test, so that afternoon I went into the bathroom at the bus garage and peed on that little white stick. I stood there in that run-down, dump hole of a bathroom watching the purple move up the stick…leaving two solid purple lines in its wake. But where were the directions? What did these two lines mean? I was shaking as I ran to my truck and grabbed the directions. I was so shaken up I did not even realize I was reading the Spanish side. But I knew.

I was pregnant.

This could not be happening. I went to the bar with my friends from work with the test tucked into my coat. I ordered a tall LeBatt before I pulled the test out and threw it on the table.

“What the fuck does this mean?”

It meant I would have to go home and tell my husband. I drank my last beer for a while and left the bar with a heavy heart. I went home and put the test on the back of the toilet as I could not tell Thorsten to his face. I was scared and embarrassed. I sat on the couch and waited for him to come home.

When he came home he knew something was not ok. I told him to go look in the bathroom. When he walked down the hall I started to cry. I could not believe I had done this to us. I was so heartbroken. I loved this man so much and I had no idea how we were going to get through this. I wondered if a year from now (our seven year anniversary) if we would still be together.

We went back and forth over the next few days about what to do. We had lost our health insurance a few months prior. The economy was in the dumper and we were trying not to lose our home. We finally decided we could not go the rest of our marriage looking at each other every morning if we made “the appointment”. We would have a baby.

After two appointments at a local OB/GYN office I knew there would be no way we could afford this. I felt even more sickened than when I had first found out we were pregnant. I couldn’t understand how this country could have gotten things so turned around. How in the world did it make more sense to support and encourage low-life, immature, uneducated single mothers have lots of children in their teens? On the low end we were looking at $15,000. On the high end the sky was the limit. I thought again about making “the appointment”.

I cannot even remember how it was I even began searching the internet for other birth options. I found a group called The Home Birth Option of Cleveland; a group of mothers and midwives that met at a local library once a month. The next meeting was January 25^th…my birthday. Thorsten and I went. We left knowing for the first time what we would do.

The next few months were filled with Birthworks classes, prenatal appointments with our midwife and getting the house ready. We had to put our beloved dog, Abby down in April. Thorsten went back to school. Our house was gutted down to the studs and he worked every night and weekend putting it back together.

  I read every piece of literature I could find on anything related to birth. We watched just about every documentary and YouTube video on homebirth. I asked questions. Lots and lots of questions. My three co-workers and best friends threw me the most amazing baby shower. We gathered all the supplies needed for our birth; towels, extra sheets, tarps, gauze, diapers and pads and two very large bottles of hydrogen peroxide. We picked up the birthing pool from the midwife the third week of July.

Thorsten kept telling everyone the baby would come earlier than our August 18^th due date. No one believed him, the midwife included. Seeing that this was my first baby she suggested we would not see a baby until early September. I had started having Braxton Hicks contractions sometime in late June or July. They were almost unnoticeable.

I was getting more and more anxious not about the birth but how a baby would change our relationship. I was so worried it would break us. We never wanted this. Our relationship was so great for 6 beautiful years before I got pregnant. Thorsten was my best friend and I was so scared to lose him. I worried day and night that I had brought this on us. I also worried how could I love someone else as much as him? How would my heart ever have enough room for two people. Would I love him any less? Would I resent this baby?

Sunday August 1^st my mother came over early and helped me prepare and blanch a couple batches of green and wax beans. She left around noon to go visit her friend who was sick with cancer. Thorsten was working in the barn so I went into the office to sit in front of the computer and try and stay cool. I was laughing at a story about all the reasons why I am glad that George Bush was no longer president when I felt a tremendous gush of fluid. I ran to the bathroom and took off everything from the waist down and cleaned up the floor. I went to the back door and yelled to Thorsten with a tremble in my voice “My water just broke!”

He quickly finished what he was doing outside and came in the house. I put a call in to the midwife but she was not home. I left a message at my parent’s house. Everyone had me convinced that first time labors are long-sometimes as long as 24-36 hours. We were in no rush. I even went on Facebook to distract myself. I sent Thorsten to town to get some juice as that was one of the things my midwife required us to have on hand for my labor. As he left I got into the shower. There were no contractions. It was 2 pm.

I stood in the shower and cried. What was I going to do with a baby? I didn’t even like babies and I liked children even less. I had a good long cry, then I washed my hair and let soap bubbles fall onto my toes. I had not been able to reach my feet for what seemed like eternity. I resolved to deal with those emotions later. I put on my game face and got out of the shower.

When I got out I did my usual ritual of putting a bathrobe and crawling into bed. I had been unable to dry my humongous body all summer and the damp felt good on my skin. I gathered up my makeup as I was going to get camera ready for my big day. I got mascara on one eye when the first contraction hit me like a truck. It had been almost an hour since my water broke.

Where was Thorsten? I looked at my phone to check the time and just then it rang. He was calling to see how I was doing. I told him to hurry. I needed someone here as I didn’t want to be alone. I could hear the worry in his voice when I told him we still had not heard from my parents or the midwife.

I never did finish putting on my make-up. The next contraction came just as I hung up the phone. I started timing them. They were about 6 minutes apart. It was 3 pm on Sunday.

The birthing pool had been set up in the baby’s room. When Thorsten got home he got prepared to fill it with water. From my bedroom I heard the sound of a screw gun just as a contraction hit. I remember vividly thinking I might just kill him. I yelled “What the fuck are you doing in there?” and “Nothing.” Came the response. Apparently he was nesting and felt the need to install a ceiling light in the baby’s room while he was filling the pool.

He went outside to call his parents and tell them labor had started. They tried to convince him to take me to the hospital as they thought this whole homebirth idea was crazy from the start. He politely told them we were fine and were going to wait for the midwife and we would call after the baby was born. I knew Thorsten was getting worried. I resolved I WOULD NOT let my fear show. Where was my mother? Where was the damn midwife?

At this point I was having contractions every 4 minutes. I got into the pool with some great expectations that it would relieve the pain. It did no such thing. In fact I think it made things worse as the realization it brought to me…this was going to royally suck! These contractions were so much worse than I had anticipated-they went from my front and into my lower back. I let out a yell or a scream with each one. I wanted to choke the broad who said “Breathe” through each one…yeah right!

Thorsten was so quiet I almost didn’t know he was there. At some point he asked me in a very anxious voice if he should call someone. I yelled “Call Vickie!” It was 4 pm.

By 4:20 pm people had started to gather at my house. My younger sister Jennifer had been called because she was an EMT. My friend Vickie called Leah, our other girlfriend who owns a medical supply company. Vickie’s friend Mary, a nurse, showed up. We had met only one time before and talked for 2 hours about sheep and Food Inc. in Vic’s barn. Now she was kneeling next to me as I threw up in a bucket. I was in this ridiculous pool inside my house, wearing nothing but a bright pink bikini top, surrounded by a bunch of people who didn’t really know me or my intimate parts…and still no midwife or my mother.

I could hear the chatter in the background. I knew people were getting very concerned. At some point someone asked me what Plan B was. I yelled “There is no Plan B! There is only Plan A!”

At this point I was starting to get overwhelmed. I was trying to concentrate on my labor and I was fearful. The pain was almost more than I could bear. I kept telling myself “Don’t let Thorsten down. You said you could do this. You are going to do this!” but I was scared…where the Hell was the midwife?

My mother and father showed up just then. My mom knelt next to me and tried to call me down. She really took charge as she and I were the only two who had attended my Birthworks classes. She suggested I get out of the pool and try to labor on the toilet. Getting out of the pool was a good thing as I was now shivering, my teeth chattering. I hated that bikini top. I only made it a foot away from the pool and curled up on the ground. I tried to make the whole thing go away. Those contractions were so bad. It felt as if my whole body was being ripped apart. I hated my mom for trying to make me get up. I wanted to go to the hospital. I had enough of this homebirth bullshit! I yelled “I want drugs NOW!” My mother God bless her said in a calm sweet voice “No honey, we decided we weren’t going to do that. Now how about you get up and go sit on the toilet.” I hated her. My contractions were 2 minutes apart and I had been in labor for 2 to 3 hours. It was around 5:30 pm Sunday.

I went into the bathroom and the light felt like spotlights on my naked body. I felt a million eyeballs on me. This was a terrible. I screamed and stomped my feet as the next contraction hit. Thorsten came into the bathroom with me and we stood there-my arms around his neck, his hands on my lower back. I felt embarrassed for him having to stand there and hold my mostly naked, humongous body with what seemed like the whole neighborhood watching. He was silent and strong. He never flinched.

I tried sitting on the toilet and laboring. That felt good. I don’t know why, but it felt better than any other position. After a while though my mother wanted me to try laboring in my room on all fours. Thorsten went in there and put towels on the bed. He brought the box fan in there. I got mentally prepared to move into the bedroom. Once I got there I immediately wanted to go back to the bathroom. My big ass was in the air and everyone was standing there looking at me. I tried to concentrate but things were not working. When the nurse Mary suggested I lay on my back like they do in the hospital, I did. Against my better judgment I did. I am embarrassed to admit I only did it so my ass was not in everyone’s face. I knew it would only prolong labor and it did.

I went back and forth to the bathroom. It felt so good to be in there. My girlfriend Erin showed up. She held my juice cup for me and placed the straw in my mouth after each contraction. I loved her. I loved that juice. Erin never made me move, she never tried to calm me down. She only knelt silently next to me and gave me juice. I love you Erin, and I loved that juice.

After hundreds of phone calls the midwife finally called around 11 pm. I heard the conversation and I was steaming. Thorsten snapped at her that the baby was almost here and he didn’t know if she would make it in time. He asked me if she should still come. I felt for the nurse Mary. This woman who barely knew me was going to try and deliver my baby. I did not want to put her in that position. I told him to tell the midwife yes-please come. I hated her. She was the last person I wanted to see. But I needed her, and I knew it.

The midwife arrived around 11:45 pm. She came onto my bed where I was laying on my back. She listened to the baby’s heartbeat and told me we needed to move to the edge of the bed and squat. Thorsten moved the towels to the floor and he sat on the edge of the bed. I squatted in between his legs and he held me up. Everyone was crammed into my little room and they were spilling into the hallway. Kim the midwife used a flashlight and told me I needed to push. I was screaming at this point. I was certain I was going to rip in two. The fire I felt in my vagina was indescribable. I yelled at her I couldn’t push. It hurt too badly. She said “You must.” I needed her to say that. I pushed so hard. The pain felt white hot. The baby’s head was out. I heard everyone gasp. I could not see and neither could Thorsten. The midwife wanted me to reach down and touch the baby’s head. I couldn’t. I was so scared. This all felt so surreal I was worried if I reached down and felt its head I wouldn’t be able to push the rest of her out. With the next contraction I pushed again and the baby slid out. The midwife caught her. Instantly the white hot pain left. There was a tremendous gush of blood and fluid from my uterus. In an instant the baby was placed on my chest. I could feel the cord pulsating in my vagina. It was 12:10 am Monday August 2^nd 2010.

I sank to the floor I remember looking up at Thorsten. I apologized for throwing him into that fire years before. I know I was in shock. Someone asked me if I was ok. I felt my eyes rolling back into my head and I said yes because I did not want to alarm anybody. I don’t remember much about the baby. I do know it felt alien to be holding her. She was all covered in vernix and some blood. I looked up and standing in the doorway was Dan Peck. He was holding a bottle of Bud Light. He was just standing there with a weird half smile on his face. I will have that picture in my head forever.

I think we were wrapped in a towel and we sat at the base of the bed for maybe 20 minutes. The midwife called for Thorsten and he cut the cord. I was told I had to push the placenta out. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t believe I had to push again. The placenta was placed in a bucket for the midwife to examine later. I think my mom held the baby while I was put into a diaper with giant medical grade maxi-pads and helped onto my bed. The lights were dimmed and the midwife measured and weighed the baby. She asked us what we were going to name her. Thorsten and I agreed on Kailey Rosemarie Greulich.

Kailey was brought to me and I nursed her. Everyone came and quietly said good bye. Thorsten brought the dogs into the room to see the baby and to make sure I was ok. Thorsten climbed into bed and we went to sleep with Kailey in between us. It was sometime after 2 am.

Kailey weighed 8 lbs. 12 oz. There were 12 people present for her birth. She was born at 12:10 am Monday August 2, 2010 after 10 hours of labor. There was not a single picture taken, but I am certain that those people who witnessed her birth will remember it forever. I know Thorsten and I will. I cannot measure the amount of pride I feel for birthing our daughter at home. Others doubted me. At times I doubted myself. But I did it and I am so grateful I did. I hope to be able to do it again sometime in the near future. For now though we are busy enjoying our miracle baby who almost wasn’t. This past December we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. When I asked Thorsten who he loved more…me or Kailey? He answered Kailey and I smiled. Right answer-me too : )

Enjoying Birth Guest Blogger: Christina - Part 2 "Welcome Jacob Scott"

And here is part two of Christina's story!  I admire her faith and her strength.  What a truly uplifting story!  I am so thankful for these amazing stories being shared - it is so important to spread the word that even though pregnancy and birth can be difficult, it can be (and should be) incredibly empowering and satisfying!  Enjoy!

The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126:3

On Saturday, two days after my membranes were stripped, nine days after my due date, one day before my next scheduled midwife appointment, and two days before my deadline to have a homebirth, I started having contractions. They were real contractions this time. Only I didn’t know it – didn’t believe it – didn’t want to get excited in case they were *just* Braxton-Hicks….again. There had been periods in the past few weeks where the contractions had been fairly regular – just never progressed. And each time, I would wonder, ‘is this it’? Only – it never was.
This day, however, I started contracting early on. I remember waking up wondering – ‘is this it’ and thought maybe I should take it easy today, just in case. I think I even took a late morning nap – just in case . The contractions were no more intense or regular than they had been. I guess the only difference is that they kept coming – all day long.
As evening commenced, I asked Scott to go for a walk with me. I think we managed 3 laps in 30 minutes. We came home and my Mom gave me a reflexology massage on my feet. When it was time for Rebecca to go to bed, I layed down with her and thought – ‘hmmm, these are coming a bit more regularly and a bit stronger, hmmmm’ . When I came back downstairs, I thought maybe I should keep record to see what’s really happening. This was about 9:30pm and by 10:30pm, they were anywhere between 3 – 5 minutes apart. But still – I refused to believe it was really happening. They weren’t very intense, I was managing just fine by myself, breathing easily. I called Jo and Faith to let them know it may happen and then texted Emma. Just in case.
I took a shower and tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. Everyone else was sleeping.
So I got up, got out the birthing ball, sat myself down and watched TV. I remembered that Emma had left her TENS machine with me, so I found it and attached it to my back. That actually helped relieve some of the pain. At 1:00am, instinct kicked in and I must have realized that this was real. I woke up my Mom, told her we needed to call Emma. Apparently – I was past the point of doing it myself – Mom took one look at me and realized we also needed to call Jo and Faith. She woke Scott up, who woke up Rebecca and a mad dash ensued. We had to pack the car and get over to Faith’s house. Thankfully she lives 5 minutes away. During this whole time, I sat motionless on the birthing ball – focusing on the contractions that were suddenly intense and very real. I remember Scott telling me it was okay to moan or groan through them and realizing that was very comforting and helpful. He says when he called Jo at this point, the contractions were about 2 minutes apart.
All of a sudden, the car was packed with homebirth essentials like towels, sheets, shower curtains (for waterproofing), cameras, baby essentials, labor necklace and book, etc. Mom and Rebecca were also in the car waiting. Scott was running through the house making sure he got everything and then when he was done, he came over to me while I was in the middle of a contraction and said, “Okay, that’s enough! We have got to go!” I could not believe he said that to me – I was furious. Later- he would say he meant that was enough stuff to pack and take with us – where I thought he meant that was enough of me sitting through contractions.
Faith met us at the door – I felt so bad waking her and Todd up – but she was happy and so excited. I promptly found my spot on the birthing ball in the living room. Everyone else was flitting around, unpacking, getting settled – I was only focused on the increasingly intense contractions. Shortly after we got there, Emma and then Jo arrived. I was relieved to see Emma. As it was, I was unable to listen to anyone else who tried to help me through each contraction. She was able to come to me, get close and talk quietly and gently, reminding me to breathe through each contraction. I was nauseous, so she took some peppermint oil, put some drops on a napkin, and left it under the straps of my shirt. I remember that helping some – and being thankful for it.
The next couple hours are all a blur – Jo arrived and only intervened when I was unable to relax. She was the stronger voice telling me to get a grip when I was forgetting to breathe and relax. However – on a sidenote – for me, at that point, it was impossible to relax! I remember bits and pieces of happenings: Rebecca coming in to check on me, leaving as I was having a contraction, Faith’s perfect presence and prayers relaxing me during the height of a contraction, Scott trying to have a normal conversation on the couch with Faith, and me telling him to ‘shut up’. I didn’t mean it maliciously, but it was all I could muster at the moment. At the time, all of my senses were so heightened, that I couldn’t handle anything extra coming into my presence. While still pregnant, I remember talking to Emma, my mom, Faith, and Scott about what I would like during labor: music, massages, etc. – but what happened was I needed silence, no touching me at all (Emma was able to help me from time to time by helping me relax my shoulders) and darkness – I could barely manage to open my eyes. I wasn’t hungry at all and barely wanted anything to drink. Anything extra in the room I was in was too much for me to handle. Scott carrying on a normal conversation – as if he was oblivious to my pain – while I was in the middle of labor – most likely transition – was unbearable.

Where I sat - in one hand is the TENS Machine, the other is my Zune - which was never attached to my ears.

During all this time – everyone was attempting to get the birthing pool ready. Jo had brought it in and it was blown up – but a liner had to be put in it and it had to be filled. My mom, Scott, Todd, Rebecca, and maybe at times, Jo and Faith – all helped put it together. Originally, there was an issue with finding the proper liner and how to put it on. And then, it was an issue filling it up. There was not a dual hot/water nozzle that fit the hose – so they had to use the separate hot and cold water from the laundry room sink. So – the water was at first too hot, then too cold, then too full, then they ended up removing some water with buckets and reheating water on the stove to make it warm again. I kept asking Jo when I could get in the pool and she said it wasn’t ready or it was too cold. I told her at one point that I was okay if it was cold, b/c at the time, I was awfully hot and thought the cool water would soothe me. She replied that it wasn’t safe for the baby and would be too much of a shock for him if he was birthed into cool water. I understood, but I was frustrated.

Helping set up the pool

About this time, I had all these internal thoughts going on…I was really frustrated I couldn’t get in the birthing pool, I was very frustrated and angry about how intense and immensely painful the contractions were. I had read in a lot of books that some women were surprised at how painful and intense labor was, and I guess I was surprised, too. I had been living with a certain level of pain all day – and it was completely manageable. I had contractions with Rebecca and didn’t even realize it. Also – I had an epidural with Rebecca at about 6 or so cm – so I these transition contractions were all very new to me.
At any rate, I remember thinking, ‘oh my – how much worse can this get? I am so glad I am not in a hospital b/c I would be asking for an epidural right about now. How much longer is this going to take?’ The more the contractions came, the more frustrated and angrier I got. There was nothing that was helping- I was only comfortable on the birthing ball – sitting still. I could not rock, or get on all fours – I was just uncomfortable anywhere else. Emma tried though – thinking it would help me – I did for one contraction, lean over the couch – but that was worse. And I did try rocking/swaying on the ball, but that didn’t help either.
They kept asking me where my pain was – which I thought was a funny question – in my uterus, of course! The pain was constant in my lower abdomen – thankfully, I had no back labor-whatsoever- the entire labor. This was another prayer God answered. I had thought all along I could handle anything except back labor – I had that with Rebecca and remembered it so well. This time, I didn’t have a single back contraction. I was so grateful for that. Still am, actually.
All this time, the TENS Machine was still hooked up to my back. I guess it was helping – after a while, I forgot it was there. If anything, in the beginning, it helped mask the pain and kept my focus off of the contraction and more on the electrical pulses on my lower back. It came with a nifty button so that when a contraction started, I would press the button and the electricity would go from a flowing current to a more pulsating current. Generally – it feels like ants crawling around on my back – but I could alter the amount and make it stronger, which helped move my focus some.
Every once in a while, I would have fairly long breaks between contractions – perhaps 5 minutes or more – and these were such a nice respite for me. I would sit quietly, eyes closed, and just breathe deeply – reconnecting with my body and baby and wondering when they would start up again.
Around 3:30am – I felt like I had to pee. I had last peed when we got to Faith’s house, which was around 2:00am. Emma encouraged me to try since I kept complaining and also b/c she said it may help with the pressure I was feeling. So – I mustered to get up and went into the toilet. While I sat there – waiting while nothing happened – all of a sudden my body spontaneously pushed. I was like, ‘whoa!’ And promptly got up and went back into the living room where I told Emma and Jo that I was pushing while on the toilet. Jo didn’t seem surprised – but I was b/c I wasn’t feeling this unbearable pushy feeling I had read so much about.
Jo asked if she could examine me so she could make sure I was past 5 cm and ready to get in the pool. (Uh – hello! I was pushing while on the toilet!) This meant having to lie down on the floor – which I was totally adamant against, at the time, b/c as I said – the only comfortable position I could get in was on the ball. But I relented and got down on the floor – but as I did and as my back touched the ground, the pressure on the TENS pads started to shoot insanely intense electrical pulses into my back. I freaked and had them take them off of me! Once they were removed and I was laying down, the contractions started coming one after the other and were extremely hardcore. I was also uncomfortable and frustrated being in this position b/c it reminded me of being in the hospital bed with Rebecca. I couldn’t lay still and kept rolling over to try to alleviate the pain. It was during this time that I lost control – and Emma and Jo had a hard time reeling me back in – but eventually I was able to gain composure and Jo palpitated my stomach and then examined me. While she did this, my water broke – I had completely forgotten that it hadn’t yet broke – and the cervix was gone and Jo could feel the baby’s head come down. I was really glad my water had not broken yet – thinking that the contractions would’ve been more intense if my waters had already gone – but at the same time, was nervous wondering if there was any meconium present. Jo was unsure and quickly took the pad the water had broken on and left to examine it under the bright kitchen lights. She came back and said that yes, there was some present, but it was too late to call for an ambulance or to try to transport to the hospital. I remember being vaguely concerned – as there was quite a bit of thick meconium present with Rebecca – but I couldn’t dwell on that just yet. I had just been given the ‘okay’ to get into the birthing pool.
Once up on my feet – I made it to the dining room where the pool was set up. I climbed in and immediately fell to my knees. I leaned over one edge and held onto Emma’s and Scott’s hands. And then I took a breath. The water was cool, but it did feel good. And as soon as I got into position, it was as if the contractions stopped and I was at peace. I didn’t feel any more pain here on out. I started pushing – not necessarily b/c I felt this strong urge, but simply because I could and because I knew there was a baby on the other end. For one brief moment, I became fearful about not being able to do this part – b/c I wasn’t able to do it with Rebecca and forceps were used – but that moment passed and I carried on with the business at hand.

Only a few minutes left...

While pushing, I all of a sudden realized that I had not been given Gas and Air – In England, an alternative pain measure, that is allowed for homebirthing, is 50% nitrus and 50% oxygen. And so, b/c I had been told I could have it, I asked for it! Jo laughed and said it was too late, I was already pushing! At the time, I realize it was funny – and I didn’t need it anyway – but I felt duped b/c I did need it just a little while ago. I wish someone had reminded me that I could’ve tried it out during the most painful and hard contractions.
Another funny – while I was pushing Jacob out – I think his head was out, or mostly out, I asked Jo why she wasn’t pulling him out. Again, this was b/c of my experience with Rebecca and having a hospital/medicated birth. Jo laughed again and reminded me we weren’t in a hospital, she wasn’t going to pull him out, I had to push him out. Alrighty then – back to business.
The whole time it took to push Jacob into this world – which was all of 10 minutes – it was perfectly serene in there. The lights were dim, it was very quiet, I could feel everything and loved it. Jo, Rebecca, my Mom, and Faith were all behind me watching Jacob being born. Scott and Emma were in front of me being my support system. Emma would later say she was glad of Scott being there b/c I was pulling so hard on her alone that she was afraid she was going to end up in the pool with me. With Scott there – he helped balance out my pulling while I was pushing to keep her and him on the outside!
Jacob’s head emerged and I could hear them say so – I could feel that part – but it was nice hearing them comment on his nose and eyes and then his mouth. Then they exclaimed about how quickly he turned – and then it was time for his shoulders to emerge as well as the rest of his body. All of a sudden Jo was saying, “Pick up your baby, Christina! Pick up your baby!” And I was shocked that it was over – I leaned back while Jo pushed him forward and grabbed him to my chest. Beautiful.

I remember this - it was as if Jacob was reaching for me.

Beautiful baby boy

Rebecca greeting Jacob

Fresh baby face

Those first few moments are some I hope to never forget. So sweet. He was awake and alert and quiet – we all were quiet. There was a ton of vernex still on him which I thought lovely. We were able to gaze at each others eyes. And it was amazing. Bliss.
A few minutes later, Jo asked if we were ready to cut the cord. She said it had run clear – so we said yes. Rebecca wanted to do this – so Scott and her participated together in this special moment. I loved that Rebecca was there for the whole thing – that she was able to witness what a natural, unmedicated, healthy birth is like, that she is old enough to remember it all, and that she was able to be an active participant in it all. Lately, she has asked me to tell her this story – and at times, I have heard her tell Jacob his own story. This makes my heart smile.

I absolutely love this picture.

Jo took Jacob for a moment to give him a quick once over and then helped me out of the pool. I was moved to a reclining chair and given Jacob back – he latched on perfectly – and stayed that way for a good long while. I had opted for a shot of something like pitocin to birth my placenta. It was a good thing – as I started to gush blood. At first, Jo didn’t seem too concerned, but then it gushed again. And ultimately, she gave me another shot to help stop the bleeding. The placenta birthed and she took it to examine it. She assured me it was fine, all there, with a bit of tears in it – nothing to worry about. When she returned, she mentioned I did tear some, and could use stitches, but she would be quite happy to let it heal on its own – which I agreed with. Later that week, after I mentioned how wore out and tired I was, she would remind me how much blood I lost – and if it continued, I could go to the hospital to see if it warranted a blood transfusion. Interestingly enough, I began to immediately feel better.

Father and Son

Grandmother and Grandson

Sister and Brother

Jacob was born Sunday morning at 4:13am on November 14, 2010 and weighed in at 9lbs 11.5 oz and 22 inches long. Originally – we thought he was 23 inches – but we were wrong. The English don’t do length measurements, so we were left to our own devices…A week ago – at one month of age, he weighed 12 lbs 5 oz. Amazing. He scored a 9/10/10 on his Apgar – a striking difference in comparison to Rebeccca.
So – my fears of revisiting a similar birth like I had with Rebecca were washed away. I was fearful of meconium – hers was thick and very present, his was barely there. I was fearful of the cord being wrapped around his neck – it wasn’t. I was afraid I couldn’t push him out – I did. I was concerned about bleeding heavily and tearing immensely – the bleeding was a lot, but under control, the tear wasn’t an issue. Lastly – I was fearful of the GBS presenting. So far – he appeared a very healthy baby. Jo didn’t seem concerned at all. Regardless – she wanted us to hang out at Faith’s house until around noon – so she could come back, give us another once over and then send us on our merry way home.
During this time, I showered and tried to nap. Tried to get Rebecca to nap. That lasted for 30 minutes. Then we got up and I ate some groaning cake muffins that I had prepared earlier. They were so good!! I resumed my position on the reclining chair and continued to nurse Jacob – it seemed it was all he wanted to do! Scott napped on the couch – Faith’s girls woke up and entertained Rebecca. They were smitten with Jacob and amazed I had him in their dining room while they slept. Sweet.

At least somebody got some sleep.

A baby's first food...

Jo returned as was expected – and Jacob and I were both doing well. No fevers, normal pulse and BPs. My blood pressures – coincidentally – were normal the entire pregnancy except for my last OB visit at the NHS hospital. Even then it was only 130/80 – but besides that, it never got more than 120/78. Seems I just might have a touch of ‘white coat syndrome’. At this point Jo released’ us to go home. We packed up and shipped out – a mere 12 hours since I woke my Mom up and said it was time to go.
Life is good.
Jo came to visit us each day that week – on Day 1 (Monday) she noticed he had a touch of Jaundice and said we should take him in right away. Jaundice isn’t necessarily a dangerous thing – but when it happens before day 3 of a newborns life, it can indicate a medical jaundice which is a bit more serious. Usually – this occurs with an O+ mother whose blood has cross-contaminated with her babies. And as it happened – this was our case.
We did take Jacob in to the hospital that day – I was unable to get him an appointment with the pediatrician because it was a down day at our base hospital. Our only option was to take him into the ER there – so we did. But because he wasn’t born on base, he hadn’t been input into their ‘system’ so they couldn’t see him. Not for lack of trying though – they tried to put him in the ‘system’ but couldn’t get past a certain point. So – not wanting my 1 day old son hanging out in the ER, we left and said we’d try again tomorrow when the rest of the hospital was open. Which we did – and Jacob had a series of bloods done, one being a bilirubin check – his numbers were high so they called for a DAT test, which indicated that my blood had cross-contaminated with his and that my antibodies were attacking his. Sounds awful. I felt horrible – as if it were all my fault. When I asked the pediatrician why and how this happened, he indicated that it was because I was 0+ and Jacob was not and that it probably happened through some tears in the placenta. Hmmm….Jo had mentioned tears in the placenta.
Regardless, on day 2 of Jacob’s life – we received a call at 7:30pm from the on-call Pediatrician saying Jacob needed to be admitted into the hospital for bilirubin light therapy. I was frightened – really scared about leaving Rebecca – wondering how long he would need to be there and how long it would take to determine if it was working. As it turned out – the hospital staff, nurses and Pediatrician were amazing. They allowed all of us to stay the night with Jacob. All of us. My mom, Scott, me, Rebecca – all of us. Rebecca and I shared the twin bed, Scott sat in the chair all night long, and my Mom stayed in the break room. Soon – my fears eased – and by morning when his bloods were drawn again his bilirubin had decreased by 4 points, the Doctor was releasing us at noon after a few more hours of therapy.
On a side note – the Pediatrician was a bit alarmed when he learned that Rebecca was a GBS+ baby and I hadn’t received routine antibiotics during labor for Jacob. On his own, he had extra blood tests done and was happy to tell me that Jacob didn’t have GBS. I knew that already – but it was still nice to see it on paper.
So – for 15 hours, we all crashed at the hospital. It was actually kinda nice and relaxing. Jacob was perfect the whole time and slept beautifully. The rest of the week we would go back and forth for routine bili checks – he continued to improve and at the end of the week the jaundice was no longer a concern. Praise God!!
As I write this – Jacob is now 5 weeks and 1 day old and he sleeps soundly attached to me in a Moby Wrap. His legs are now too long for him to sit in the fetal position – so they are hanging out. Sweet – but wow, he’s growing so fast!! My Mom left to go back home last week and we are all mourning her departure…it’s sad to think about Rebecca and Jacob growing and living without her and the rest of our family nearby. We all enjoy the daily activity of having extended family close in proximity and in our hearts.
I feel more complete now – having two children – and have been blessed beyond my imagination to be able to achieve the birth I had desired with Jacob. From the very beginning I poured out to God the desires of my heart – and our story is God’s most merciful and loving answer to my prayers.

Precious

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…” (Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).

Vaccines...Yes, I'm going there.

It's not a secret what my stance is on vaccines for my family.  But in case you don't know, I'll give you a little background.

I planned to have my son delayed and selectively vaccinated.  It was a constant fight with our pediatrician, and when I would question certain/most vaccines, she would only give me the benefits of the vaccine and the risks of not vaccinating.  This shot up A LOT of red flags for me.  But needless to say, I was pressured into getting vaccines that I did not want for my son (up to and including the Varicella vaccine).  :(  I took my son in for his 2 year appointment, VERY pregnant with my daughter, and mentioned to their doctor that I was having a homebirth and that there obviously wouldn't be a pediatrician on call for my birth.  She gasped, and said that I had to bring my baby in within 24 hours of the birth to make sure she was okay and get all of her shots....hahaha!  Yea right.  I smiled and nodded in order to avoid punching her in the face.  She left the room for a moment and arrived back quickly to let me know that they had added another 7 doses to the Prevnar (I think) vaccine and that she recommends it and would be bringing it in to give to my son.  FINALLY my Mama Bear kicked in.  I jumped up and told her she was nuts and let her know that she would never see my children again. 

I read more and more and more and more information about vaccines - mind you, I found most of this information on the CDC's very own website.  My daughter was born and we switched our care to a holistic family MD.  I was planning on holding off the few vaccinations I was considering until 2 years of age.  But I kept reading and researching and finally settled on refusing ALL vaccinations.  By the way, our doctor gave me the risks and benefits to both sides and FULLY supported my decision to discontinue vaccinations for my son and not give any to my daughter.  *sigh of relief...no more fighting*

So that is my experience and where I stand with vaccines in my family.

There are a lot of people searching for a "middle ground" in this gigantic and nasty vaccine debate we have going on.  Unfortunately, in my opinion, the middle ground can only be found if we transport ourselves back to the 1980s.  Those who refuse to vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  Those who do vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  And if you are one of those who delays/selectively vaccinates, you get crapped on from both sides - you are obviously either anti-vaccination and are ruining our country or you are pro-vaccination and ruining our country.  Hmmm...can a middle ground be found?

Common responses I get from people everywhere - "I was vaccinated and I am fine.  You were vaccinated and you are fine.  My kids are vaccinated and they are fine" (this is the one that I get to argue with often because most people who use this as an excuse/response fail to see that their kids are on 18 different medications for ADHD, ADD, Autism, Aspergers, Asthma, Allergies, Chronic this and that - so NO, your kids are NOT fine).  And I can use a similar response.  Both my husband and I were vaccinated.  And yes, we are fine (eh hem, can you define fine? lol).  Here's the problem...

Maybe this is why most of us as adults are fine and our kids are suffering tremendously.

So here is MY MIDDLE GROUND.  Respect and Education.
Whether you refuse all vaccinations, delay or selectively vaccinate, or vaccinate entirely on the CDCs schedule, as long as you have TRULY researched and educated yourself on the risks/benefits and what exactly you are or aren't putting into your child's body, and you are continuously open to learning and educating yourself more, you are doing what is right for your children - because you are doing what you truly believe to be best. 

The only irresponsible thing to do, is to make ANY of these decisions without educating yourself (and continuing to educate even after you make that decision) and just doing it because someone told you to.  That my friends, is not doing what is right for you children - that is doing what is right for someone else. 

ALWAYS respect others' educated decisions and never close your ears and eyes to information that may or may not benefit our children's futures.

I Love Placentas!!!

I love birth.  I love babies.  And I love mommas.  There is something about Mother Nature's perfection that just draws me to be involved in any way I can with birth.  For those of you who don't know this about me already - I also love placentas! 

I am so very confused and distraught by the fact that so many women don't do anything with their placentas, cut the cord immediately, never even see their placenta, and then allow some doctor to dispose of it like it is garbage.  It makes me want to scream!!  Why can't we show our babies' life source some respect??  There are so many benefits to respecting your placenta. 

1. Just leave the cord attached and let the placenta deliver on its own - your baby receiving the last 1/3 of his/her blood supply will thank you.
2. Taking the time to observe this amazing thing can help you to gain more respect for your body and yourself as a mother.  You made that baby.  You made the placenta too - and without it, baby couldn't survive.
3. All of the hormones and the blood and everything you pushed out of you when you birth your baby, is lost.  But your placenta holds all of those nutrients and hormones a woman needs to rebalance herself physically and emotionally.  It is perfect for you because it IS you!
4. And if you aren't comfortable eating your placenta or taking it in capsule form, bury it.  The plants and trees planted on top or around the placenta will thrive (this alone should show you the power of your placenta)! 
Give back to yourself and the earth!  Don't throw it in the garbage.

Now that you know how much I love placentas, I'm sure you can imagine how excited I get when I receive a call or an e-mail to encapsulate a placenta.  !!!  I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it.  I love when women love their placentas!

I just finished an encapsulation today, and loved every minute of it. 

That amazing organ kept a little boy alive inside of his mother for 9 months.  I am so honored that she trusted me with such a precious part of her.  I treated it with the utmost respect as I prepared it through each stage.

And as I bottled up the last of the capsules, I gave the placenta and that beautiful mother/baby a blessing.

Respect and love your body.  Respect and love your baby.  Respect and love your placenta.

A Birth Day Reminder

Today at 8:38am my son turned 3 years old.  We celebrated his birthday on Sunday with a small family and neighbor party, and we celebrated all day yesterday with just our family of four.  Mike couldn't get off work today, so we told Stephen that yesterday was his birthday. (Is that bad??)

Our party wasn't to start until 2pm on Sunday, so we had high hopes that we'd be able to finish cleaning up the yard and house before everyone arrived.  At one point Mike called me outside to observe our new honey bees.  As we watched for about 15 minutes, the bees went from a few hundred flying around the hive, to 20,000 (not an exaggeration) in a black, buzzing tornado.  They swarmed their way across our property and into our back field where they formed a tight ball at the bottom of a 4ft sappling - thank God they didn't settle at the top of a 40ft Oak tree.  What an amazing sight to see!  We immediately called my dad (who drove over in record time) and he helped Mike to cut off the branch holding the bees and put them back into the hive box.  During this whole ordeal I began to get extremely stressed, realizing that it was near impossible to make the house presentable before the guests arrived.  Luckily my mom tagged along with my dad and took the kids outside so that I could finish cleaning and get a quick shower in.

Our neighbor showed up with her 3 year old son - who Stephen claims is his best friend - and they took off playing.  One of our other neighbors showed up along with his ex-wife and 11 year old son.  His ex, Brandy, brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers in congratulations for giving birth to Stephen --- It was at this moment that I forgot about all of the party nonsense and began to remember/reminisce/reprocess the birth of my son.

The rest of my family showed up (Mike's family couldn't make it for various reasons) and the adults sat back with cocktails and good coversation while the kids ran out all of their built up energy.

As usual, we said NO GIFTS.  And as usual, no one listened...so Stephen opened them.  Lots of bubbles, trucks & tractors, and Lincoln Logs from the neighbors. 

A Sandbox from my sister's family.  A bunch of sandbox toys from my brother's family.

A fishing pole and tackle box from my parents.

And a real bike with training wheels from us - I can't believe I didn't catch the look on his face with the camera when Mike brought the bike out.

Mike lit up the grill, and dinner was phenomenal!  I pulled out my Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes for the Happy Birthday Song, and they were a hit (a post coming soon about these fantastic cupcakes).  As Stephen blew out his last candle, I looked at the clock.  It was at exactly this moment 3 years ago that my water had broken.  Emotions rushed through me.  I was quietly reliving what I look back on as a nightmare and a blessing.

Everyone began to make their way home, the kids were finally asleep, and I laid myself down to bed.

I tossed and turned and cried all night as I remembered tossing and turning that same night 3 years prior.
"Where are my contractions?"  "Why isn't labor beginning?"  "I don't want to be induced tomorrow!"  I was filled with anger at myself for being stupid enough to believe that I HAD to go into the hospital in the morning and that I HAD to be induced.  Everything I researched and learned about childbirth, and I had no idea how much safer my baby and I would have been if we would have just stayed home until active labor began - or just stayed home...period.

I awoke yesterday morning feeling like a train had hit me.  Mike cleaned up from the party and ventured out to the BMV to take care of his car.  I packed up the kids and we took a long country drive out to pick up a client's placenta.  I was imagining the 30+ minute drive to the hospital. Mike had stopped for breakfast, but I was so nervous and sick to my stomach, I didn't order anything.  I kicked myself in the butt.  Maybe if I would have eaten, I would have had the strength to push through without the epidural and I would have been able to move around to get Stephen into the anterior position to push him out.  Or maybe my body just needed those nutrients to get contractions going on their own.

Stephen's "fake" birthday went on and I thought about the anticipation, the fear, and the pain.  Strapped to those damn monitors with the evil pitocin drip.
Stephen was overtired and grumpy.  We all were.  I couldn't focus on anything but his birth.
I escaped my memories just in time to get in some good playing before bed.  But alas - my bed was waiting for me...and so were my thoughts.
Again I tossed and turned.  I watched myself in that hospital bed like an out of body experience.  I fought all night.  And then I saw myself give up.  I gave up.  How could I do that to my baby?  2am.  Epidural.
My birth story is already written down.  I don't need to recant it.

This morning at 8:38am, I hugged my son.  I kissed him.  I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was - because 3 years ago I couldn't.  And I would take it back in a heartbeat.

Happy Birthday, Stephen.  I hope one day I can make it up to you for how I brought you into this world.  I love you more than I could ever describe.  And I truly am sorry.

Computer-Cation

So, I took a break from social networking.  I found that my normal embrace of differences of opinion was turning into me feeling attacked and overly defensive - and days after a debate/argument, I was still stewing and yelling at my husband for things he couldn't care less about.  My revelation? (well, I've known this all along...just decided to finally listen to myself.)  Social networking and friends should never leave you angry and bitter for days following a disagreement.  So alas, I distanced myself from the computer and said friends.  :)

I call this my "Computer-Cation".
And what did I do, you ask?
Well I will tell you!

I played hard!

I got a ton of one on one time with Stephen - and realized in the process that he is incredible at talking like a pirate!  ARRRGH! (The pic above is his pirate face)
Stephen, Delaney and I spent countless hours putting costumes on and playing pretend.  We read massive amounts of books and created some new veggie concoction treats so that snacktime was full of healthy treats.

We went to one of our newest and best friends' house for a cookout and let the kids explore and play while we enjoyed some adult cocktails.  We cashed in a "free" babysitting night from our awesome babysitter...she came over to watch the kids, and we never left the house.  We enjoyed our backyard and eachother and didn't have to pay to go out anywhere.

We laughed, cried and stressed over my husband's job situation that went from getting screwed, finding a new job, putting in his notice, to being offered enough to stay - all in a 24 hour period.
Playdates with my sister's kids and a very good friend's kids.
Parks, rivers, hikes, boatrides...
We made delicious dinners out of the little food we had, due to the job situation.  We spent out evenings playing outside with the neighbors or dancing around inside to blaring music off youtube.

I let the house get messy so that I wouldn't miss a moment with my kids.

We gardened - A LOT.
Mike put in an awesome stone pathway up to the house.
Our washing machine broke (sappy country song, right?), and I have learned how to wash clothes by hand - surprisingly, I'm loving it.

I was able to meet some new babies and check in on some not-so-new babes.
I turned down some potential births due to distance and timing :(, but picked up some back-up doula work and a few placenta encapsulations.  :)

All in all, a fabulous computer-cation.  And although my posts are going to keep coming while I nurse my daughter in the quiet darkness of the computer room, I think this vacation is going to become a permanent vacation.  I am happier, less stressed, soaking up the sun, and not missing a second of the Adventures of Stephen and Delaney!

Things are looking up for the DePerro Household!

One Moment

One Moment.

One photo.  No words.  A moment I want to capture and remember forever.