Enjoying Birth Guest Blogger: Christina - Part 1 "How we got to *home*"

I had planned to get this posted yesterday in celebration of Jacob's First Birthday, but I did not succeed.  Here is part one of Christina's amazing birth story leading up to the birth of Jacob.  You can also find these stories here.  Happy Birthday, Jacob!

I would be remiss in telling Jacob’s story without mentioning Rebecca’s.

Jacob’s birth could not have happened without Rebecca’s – the intensity of the story, the divine interventions, the miracle of it all – would not have been possible if Rebecca had not been born. Jacob’s birth story has as much to do about him, as it does about her.

Rebecca mere hours after birth – before I even had a chance to meet her.

While pregnant with Rebecca – I knew in my heart that I wanted a natural birth. I also knew that would be hard to come by in a hospital setting – but I was naive enough to believe it was possible. And indeed – a natural birth is possible in a hospital – but just not for me. I read all the right books – fell in love with Ina May Gaskin and her book Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and really thought that I could do it.

Have my baby unmedicated, naturally, in a hospital – I believed I could do that.

What happened though, in reality, was not at all what I had dreamt. Things started to go downhill the last week or so of my pregnancy with Rebecca. I was led to believe that my blood pressure was high – and indeed – it was high for me but I didn’t have pre-eclampsia. I didn’t have anything as a matter of fact, except a need to have a baby.

Regardless – at 40w5d I was scheduled for an induction. Miraculously, I went into labor on my own the night prior – my water broke at 11:30pm. Unfortunately, it was full of thick meconium. And thus began our trials….

Upon entering the hospital, our natural birth plan that we had gone over with our *midwife* was figuratively thrown out the window. I was placed in a bed, strapped to an external fetal monitor that was later exchanged for an internal fetal monitor, had an amniotic infusion, IV (b/c it was hospital policy – whether it was needed or not) asked repeatedly if I wanted an epidural, and then given Pitocin without my consent.

Rebecca was born 9 1/2 hours later – I was unable to push her out since I was lying on my back, numb from an epidural, and her unfavorable OP position. She was taken by forceps and when she finally arrived, we saw the cord was wrapped around her neck twice – tightly. Her initial apgar was 0/1, they nearly intubated her – thankfully, it was unsuccessful, b/c an intubated baby would be transferred to the nearest NICU which was an hour away. She did go through a bunch of blood tests, which we would find out 36 hours later, she was GBS+

This resulted in a 10 day treatment of IV antibiotics.

The next week and a half of our lives was the most difficult and trying time Scott and I have ever lived through. Only by the grace of God did we survive it…only then, we didn’t know it.

I couldn’t fathom leaving the hospital without her. It was excruciating.

On day 5 we were forced to leave her under nursery care for 24 hours – at that point, God intervened and we were allowed to room-in with Rebecca the rest of her days in the hospital.

It was at this point I started to breathe again.

And now – nearly 6 years later – the memories are fading as are the IV scars on Rebecca’s hands, feet, and head…God has worked hard on me to bring me to a place of healing and I believe I reached it last year, on her fifth birthday, when I wrote this.

This is why we did things differently with Jacob. I believed with my whole heart that birth could be different. That it could be safe and gratifying. That it could be done unmedicated and naturally and produce a healthy baby.

When we found out I was pregnant early this year – Scott and I were both concerned about how it would all end up, would the baby be healthy, would we be home with it before it was 10 days old, where would I give birth?

The answer started in January of this year before I was pregnant….I met Jo, my midwife, at TLF on base – she and I were both saying good-bye to a dear friend. Jo was also her midwife and we were introduced and I was able to question her about midwifery in England and what it was like for us living on base that desired a homebirth. At this point, I was just curious about it all as I had become very aware of what it was like back home. I had no intentions of actually needing this information.

However, it was then I learned that Tricare (our insurance through the military) will pay for 100% of midwifery care and a homebirth, while they won’t in the states. I also learned that we are not allowed to birth at home if we live on the military installation.

Which we do.

(I asked ‘why’ once to an OB Nurse, and she about flipped out when she realized I was planning a homebirth even though I live on base. She said I couldn’t do that!! I assured her I wasn’t – we had made alternative plans, but regardless, I wanted to know why. To which she replied that the Commander wouldn’t agree, it was very dangerous, and that ACOG doesn’t support homebirths. I think she would’ve continued, but I quickly excused myself.)

We hadn’t always lived on base, but had felt led to move on base and it was a good decision for us. Until now – until I became pregnant and knew that a homebirth was our best bet at having a healthy baby and gratifying delivery for all involved.

But Jo mentioned something that I had never thought of – just because we lived on base, I could still have a homebirth – I would just have to go to a friends’ house. At the time, it sounded insane to me. All of it…not being allowed to birth on base at our home, and then if I wanted it bad enough, I would have to find a friend willing to open their home to me at a moments notice.

At the time, it didn’t pose that much of an issue. I wasn’t pregnant.

But I was a month later.

And when I contacted Jo to find out what my options were, if she could take me on, she was very encouraging about me having a hospital birth at the NHS hospital since she wasn’t taking any women on during the last few months of the year – and I was due November 4th. While I was disappointed, I didn’t think all that much about it b/c Scott and I were still nervous about having a homebirth – as it was, I didn’t have a place to have a homebirth, anyway. So we planned on a waterbith at the local NHS hospital. I would still receive midwifery care – and be able to go home 6 hours after the birth. It would work – it had to…our other option was having the baby at the base hospital. And we had been there, done that, and didn’t want to do it again.

Actually, I remember saying that God closed the homebirth door to us…and I was fine with that. He knew what He was doing…and for whatever reason, He desired a hospital birth for us.

So – I signed on with the NHS, had my initial appointment in our home with our midwife at the end of my 1st trimester, and was thrilled that I didn’t have to see her again until I was 28 weeks along. Time passed – everything was going well – my 1st trimester passed along quickly and beautifully. I was exhausted, but was also while pregnant with Rebecca so I didn’t think much of it. But I didn’t have all that much morning sickness…which I did with Rebecca, even though I never vomited, I was often nauseous. This worried me at times, b/c I knew that morning sickness indicated there was good pregnancy hormone levels, and a lack of could lead to a miscarriage. But one day, I heard God say to me to just accept this blessing of His for me to have a healthy pregnancy without nausea. So I did – as long as I could.

It didn’t last too long.

In May, I was just entering my 2nd trimester, and flew home to be with my family in New Hampshire. At that point, I was getting a lot of motion sickness – in cars – which I always had. But this particular day I participated in a 3 1/2 hour bus ride to the airport, a 9 hour flight, and then another 1 1/2 hour ride to my Aunt’s house. Oh, we were so close to home….so close…and then, unbeknownst to everyone, including me, I projectile vomited all from the back seat into the front seat!! All over everyone – myself, my daughter, my cousin, my grandmother – all over.

And thus the 2nd trimester sickness ensued. The lack of morning sickness I felt in the 1st trimester was made up in the 2nd trimester.

The entire 2nd trimester. Fun stuff.

At 20 weeks pregnant, the NHS requires an anomaly scan of the baby – we also could find out the sex at this point. So – we gladly went. Scott and I kind of had a feeling what it would be. Rebecca was praying for and holding out for a baby sister. And when we were told it was a boy – “see his little willy there on the screen” the only one surprised was Rebecca – she nearly cried – and I nearly cried for her. I can only imagine how badly she wanted a sister sibling…another little girl to chat with, to dress up with and play dolls with, have tea and scones with.

To help her embrace having a boy sibling, we promptly took her shopping for big sister clothes and baby brother outfits. She smiled.

At 28 weeks, we started having routine midwifery appointments at the local clinic. We didn’t have home visits anymore b/c the midwife found it too cumbersome to visit us on base, even though she was an ID card holder. I didn’t think too much of it. Regardless, what we ultimately wanted was a healthy baby and safe delivery. And we believed we could get it the NHS hospital. The appointments were quick and to the point. I was measured, listened to the heartbeat, BP taken, and urine tested. Our midwife would let Rebecca help with the measurements and listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Rebecca loved that.

A few weeks into my 3rd trimester, however, I was told that I would have to see an English OB b/c of my previous delivery with Rebecca, specifically, b/c of the tear I received as a result of the forceps. Why was never really explained to me – I also was told I would need to take a Glucose Tolerance Test. I was not in agreement with doing a GTT b/c I had one with Rebecca, and it was so negative, that my last glucose level 47. Obviously, I didn’t feel well at the end of that test. Neither did my baby – I am sure.

So I tried discussing it with the Midwife and the OB at why I didn’t want to take it. They didn’t seem to hear me. Instead, I recorded my food intake and my blood glucose levels for one week before my next MW appointment (my GTT wasn’t scheduled for another few weeks). As far as I could tell, my blood levels were right on. However, my MW, when shown the records, acted as if I was insane for doing this. She even refused to look at my records. She kept asking my ‘why would you do this’ and I tried explaining that this was a better indicator of whether or not I had gestational diabetes, that if I did have it, I would have to do this anyway – she just didn’t get it though and actually told me that all I was thinking about was myself and not my unborn baby. Wow.

At this same appointment, I asked her if she thought it would be possible for me to have a homebirth. She indicated that she didn’t think so b/c that would be too much to ask of their midwives, especially having to get on base if they weren’t ID card holders. They could be signed on to base, but she thought that would be too much for them to have to go through for me to have a homebirth. So then I asked if Rebecca would be allowed to be a part of my labor and delivery. My mom would be here and would keep an eye on her, but Rebecca really wanted to be a part of it and Scott and I thought that was appropriate. We don’t hide much from her – she knew where the baby was coming from – and obviously, she would be removed if things went array. However, the midwife said most definitely not – hospital policies – birth could be very scary for a little girl – why did I want her there anyway, again indicating that I was only thinking of myself and not my child.

(Just a sidenote – when my Doula came to visit after Jacob was born, Rebecca said, “Hey Mom, remember when I used to watch those baby shows while you were in the shower when we lived in Florida? Well they really paid off, because they really prepared me for watching you….with Jacob, because I wasn’t scared one bit.”)

I felt my options were very limited now – I felt the NHS system was just as medical as our own healthcare system – and I was at a crossroads. Scott and I felt very jaded, and both of us contemplated going back to the base to have our baby thinking it may just be better there. Perhaps we should give them another chance.

All along – I had been praying. God and I had been doing a lot of talking and I really felt his hand on us, and on this pregnancy. I just had to stay open to hearing Him. I also had to use discernment, which I was not all that good at.

God spoke to me through these verses during this time:

Matthew 6:34

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

and

Philippians 4:6-9

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

So – for the time being, my plan was to be a good pregnant patient, do what I was told, not ask questions, and just go with the flow.

Then one day everything changed.

I knew Jo advertised on Lakenheath Yard Sales and so I thought to check on there for a Doula. I knew that having a Doula would increase my chances for a safe, healthy delivery – especially at a hospital. So – as God would have it – a Doula had advertised on there. I contacted her and while she was still in training, she would be willing to take me on, if I would be willing to have her as my Doula. Immediately I knew I did. We met at my home when I was 35+ weeks pregnant. We discussed a bit of history, a bit of what I wanted from her, my expectations, etc. And then Emma described what it would be like for me to give birth at the NHS hospital. While they are very natural and women friendly, they are not at all family friendly. There are no waiting areas, there is no way Rebecca would be able to be with me during labor, only Emma and Scott would be allowed with me until the baby was born. And then – and then – if I had the baby after visiting hours, no one – NO ONE – would be able to stay with me and the baby. Mom and Rebecca wouldn’t even be allowed to see us for a moment. Oh – and I’d be put in a room with 4 other women and their newborns.

This was not what I had signed up for.

I had mentioned to Emma that I had contacted Jo, the local Independent Midwife, but that she wasn’t taking any women on. To which Emma replied that things had changed and that, ‘why yes- she is still seeing women at the moment’.

When Emma left, I was sick stomached – according to the Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative, there are 10 steps for a hospital, birth centre, or home birth service to take to become Mother Friendly. The first listed? Unrestricted access to the birth companions of her choice – husband, family, children, friends, etc.

I immediately emailed Jo – told her my situation – and asked if she would be willing to take me on so late in the game.

I was flipping out internally – emotionally – I was a wreck. I prayed and waited…prayed and waited. What was God’s answer going to be? How was I going to handle a hospital birth without my family but encouraged to give birth naturally? How was I going to handle a hospital birth with my family present but encouraged to take an epidural and pitocin? What about a homebirth? Where could that take place?

I remembered that about a month prior a friend had offered her home to me. I had blown her off – thinking a homebirth was impossible at that point. But now – I was reaching, grasping for anything. I emailed her too – and waited.

The weekend passed and I had some answers. My friend said ‘of course’ and Jo said we needed to meet and discuss some things. So – we met, at home, on a Wednesday, and Jo looked over my history, heard my concerns, and agreed that a homebirth was most definitely possible. Some things with Rebecca – like my elevated blood pressure, my GBS status, my PPH, all made me delivering at home a bit more risky – but worth trying. And Jo wasn’t too concerned about anything – except maybe the GBS, and requested a urine test to see what my status was at that point. (It was negative – of course) and I opted to use the Hibiclens protocol instead of antibiotics to stop any GBS transmission that might occur.

The only thing, Jo said, was that she had a full November month as it was, and if someone else was delivering when I went into labor, she would have to go with them, since I signed on last. Fair enough, I thought.

We were all relieved and very excited. All of us – Scott, Rebecca, my Mom, me….

God was shining on us. God had heard the desires of my heart and was answering my prayers.

The next few weeks flew by – I had weekly visits at home with Jo – she did her best to prepare me and educate me for what would happen, what it would be like, birthing in a pool (which I desired)

At about 38 weeks – things changed again. I heard God calling on me to switch homes where I was going to birth at. And He was pointing me to Faith – the friend who had thrown my Blessingway.

Faith had initially offered me her home early on in the pregnancy – probably about the same time she offered to give me my blessingway. But I had disregarded her offer too quickly I guess. First – I never thought I would be comfortable enough to give birth at someone else’s house . Second – Scott and I weren’t completely sold on a homebirth. Third – I had already signed up for a hospital birth with the NHS. Fourth – I didn’t want to bother her or her beautiful family. So – I never really thought about it again. Until now, months later, when God was nudging me.

So I called Faith and humbly asked her if the offer still stood. She would have to check with her husband first – but didn’t think it would be an issue. However – they were moving on November 15th, onto base housing, so I would have to have the baby by then, or else. No problem – I thought. Of course I would have the baby by then!! I was due on the 4th as it was anyway.

38 weeks pregnant and things were all lined up.

Midwife – check.

Doula – check.

Home – check.

For two weeks, things were smooth. I had started having Braxton-Hicks pretty regularly, had started having pelvic floor pain, and the baby had seemed to drop (something Rebecca never did) I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and ready (also something I never felt with Rebecca) Everyone just knew I was going to have this baby soon. I knew it was going to take some extra time. I never anticipated having the baby before my due date – always anticipated having him late….just not so late.

These next two verses were key to me staying focused and to stop listening to the lies/the tapes being played in my head about the ‘reality’ of the situation. Like – who was I to have a homebirth? I couldn’t handle it anyway – my baby was going to be born sick, I was going to have to be subjected to a miserable hospital birth, this was all for naught. But God persevered:
Romans 8:31
³¹What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?]

^{And then I was led to Psalm 27:1-3}

¹THE LORD is my Light and my Salvation–whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid?²When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

³Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, [even then] in this will I be confident.

40 weeks came and went. I continued living life as normal. But inside I was dying…the looks I would get from people who thought I should’ve had the baby by then, the comments on facebook – was just too much to handle. Eventually at 41 weeks, I turned off from the world. I stopped getting on facebook and stopped taking phone calls. I tried as hard as I could to relax.

God was encouraging me to stay strong, to stay hopeful in Him – to allow him to finish what he had started, to fulfill his promises. The more I worried, the more I was saying to Him that I didn’t believe he would do this for us. I needed to step aside and allow him to do his good work.

Isaiah 40:31

³¹But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

And then I just love what my commentary has to say about this:
Hoping in the Lord is expecting that his promise of strength will help us to rise above life’s distractions and difficulties. It also means trusting in God. Trusting helps us to be prepared when he speaks to us. Then we will be patient when he asks us to wait and expect him to fulfill his promises found in the Word.

Hebrews 12

¹THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,
²Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.^(A)
3Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.

Jo was beginning to get nervous. She had to tell me the chances I was taking having a baby after due date – the risks involved. At 41 weeks, I agreed to stripping my membranes – but was so nervous because that was done with Rebecca – and was concerned about the increased risk of GBS with more interventions. When Jo checked me and stripped my membranes, the good news was that my cervix was low, I was somewhat dilated, but the bad news was I wasn’t effaced at all. Jo seemed discouraged and didn’t think that birth was imminent. That was a sad MW appointment – my doula had also showed and we were all pretty down.

Because, ultimately, I was on a pretty tight timeline now. First – I had to have the baby by Monday, or else I was without a home to deliver at. Secondly – if I was going to have an induction, I would need to choose hospitals. We had chosen our local base hospital – but they weren’t in agreement with me using them as my back-up hospital b/c we had already opted out of their healthcare. If I was going to have the baby there, I would have to re-enroll with them, so to speak. Third – the later I went, the more chance that I would overlap with another laboring Mom in Jo’s schedule. There was so much….life was so overwhelming…I was not handling anything well at all.

And thenI received this message in my inbox from the Tammy Trent newsletter – spoke directly to me and what I was going through. Divine intervention.
“May you take heart in knowing that God is preparing you for what He has already prepared for you! There is a new season that is already waiting for you. As you allow yourself to take on the fullness of God’s processing in your life, He is doing a work in you already, even if you can’t see it, so that you will be ready for the day when God opens up all the doors and allows you to walk into that new place. Maybe it’s time to “clean house” so you can be fully ready for it. Don’t let anything or any person hold you back from God’s perfect will in your life right now.
I don’t believe God gives us impossible dreams or unreachable desires. He gently takes us through life step by step so that when we face each new opportunity or challenge, we are ready in faith to choose to keep moving forward, always towards truth.
Your challenge right now is not to ask God why things around you are changing, in transition or falling apart, but rather perhaps to ask, “What’s next? What can I learn from this?” There’s a reason and purpose in our struggles or time of difficulties. The thing is, we have to find out what that is and begin to see our difficult time in perspective and how God is using it to prepare us. Search my friend. Search. The answers aren’t all that far away. Some times we just like to keep circling the questions hoping we’ll land on the “right answer” WE were hoping for. Trust God in this moment, that HE is STILL in control of your next season.
As true believers, we must never forget that God does not send “bad things” but He certainly uses them. And wow, do I sure understand and know that for my own life.

I did everything I knew to do to encourage labor: reflexology, rose and clary sage oil, evening primrose oil, accupressure points, walking, sex (seems everyone knows that one b/c everyone told us to do it!), membrane stripping…

I was really grappling with all the potentials that was happening. I was trying to wrap my head around either having a baby to hold at home in a few days, or scheduling an induction. I knew that going into a hospital was not going to end up the way I wanted it to – but I also knew that I was running out of options. My membranes were stripped on Thursday – Jo was due to come back Sunday to do it again – and then on Monday, my time was up as Faith was moving. I was talking to God constantly – praying for God to give me the desires of my heart, but for His will to be done ultimately. I wondered why He would bring me this far just to take it all away. I wondered why I couldn’t have had Jo from the very beginning, instead of having to wait until I was 36 weeks. Why would that door close early on just to be opened late in the game, and then closed again at the very end? Whatever was going to happen, I knew that I would continue to love Him. Regardless.

I didn’t want a hospital birth. I didn’t want a sick baby that would need IV treatment. And I really didn’t think that God would give that to me for a second time – but as it was – I didn’t know what was in store for us. I didn’t really know what God was saying.

For the longest time, I had heard God tell me to just wait, to just ‘tary on the Lord’ and wait. Be patient. Be hopeful and faithful. But then, as time got closer and my world became hectic and my mind was chaotic, God began speaking very directly to me – as I need Him to. I have often prayed for Him to be very direct and clear, as I said earlier, the gift of discernment I have not.

On Wednesday, the day before my membranes were stripped, Rebecca and I were at church helping prepare for Bible Study. Usually, when the Praise and Worship takes place, I listen in the narthex, instead of going into the sanctuary so that I can still greet women as they come in. However, this day, Rebecca was urging me to go into the sanctuary and participate with her. I had a friend helping out at the welcome table, so I felt comfortable leaving my station – I went in with Rebecca. Lo and behold, God had words to speak to me – and I was moved to tears as I heard Him through this song.

And then – the morning I had my membranes stripped, I awoke to God saying this to me loud and clear:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God will be with you!” Joshua 1:9

Two days later, I went into labor.

Enjoying Birth Guest Blogger: Mike - "Bethany Kay's Big Day!"

This is a FABULOUS birth story!  This story is written by Katie's husband, Mike, and I think it catches the joy and excitement and awesomeness of birth.

Katie woke up on Friday morning at 4:20, having to go to the bathroom, which is standard procedure for the 40^th week of pregnancy. When she took a little while to return to bed, I groggily asked her if she was okay. She said, “I think I wet my pants.” Waking up a little more, I asked, “Did your water break?” “I don’t think so,” was the reply. “Okay,” I said, believing her, and rolled over to go back to sleep. After a couple minutes, Katie said to me, “These contractions are getting stronger.” Contractions? She didn’t tell me she was contracting! I hopped out of bed and hurried to the bathroom to put my contacts in so I could see what was going on. “We gotta go!” I told her. So we began trying to get dressed, find phone numbers, and round up essentials all at the same time.

I called Pastor Tony and his wife, Jan since we had planned for Jan to come over and stay with the kids should we have to head for the hospital in the middle of the night. A sleepy Tony answered the phone and I asked for Jan. “She’s in the loo,” he replied. That’s odd, I thought. It’s 4:30 in the morning and she’s up getting ready for work already? We came to find out that as soon as the phone rang, Jan shot like a rocket out of bed to get ready exclaiming, “It’s Katie, it’s Katie! I’ve gotta go!” Since Jan had to leave for work at 7:30, we also called Carrie to come and relieve her, not knowing how long we would be at the hospital.

So after I was dressed, the car was loaded, and the calls were made, I went back to see how Katie was doing. I found her bent over the edge of the bed in a contraction, still not dressed yet. So I tried to help her as she fought me off until the contraction let up. So, finally we were ready to go, but Jan had not arrived yet. I took Katie out to the car to get her in, and James, our neighbor, came jogging across the road. Katie must have called him! Thank goodness, I thought. We gotta go!! So I put Katie in the front seat of the car and James went in to watch the kids as we zoomed off to the hospital. I didn’t put Katie in the back seat, because of course we weren’t going to deliver a baby in my new car. That only happens in movies.

I thought it wise to take the A-roads instead of the back roads. I didn’t think that bumpy roads, stop and go, and frequent turns were going to help our situation at all. As we set out, Katie called the Labor & Delivery ward to let them know that we were on our way and that we were about a half hour out. “My contractions are about two minutes apart,” she told them. It might just have been the rush of getting ready in a hurry, but I’m sure they were more like 45 seconds to a minute apart. I’m driving as fast as I dare, without paying for an ambulance ride in speeding tickets. Katie is praying, mostly in tongues but I caught a “Please, Jesus, calm these contractions down a little!” here and there.

As we were coming up on five ways roundabout (over halfway there), Katie’s water must have broke. I heard, “Oh, Jesus!” and Katie later told me that she thought that is when Bethany crowned. I’m glad I didn’t know that at the time, because I wouldn’t have known what to do. The next thing I knew, Katie said, “She’s here…” and I asked her if she wanted me to pull over. I looked at the shoulder, which was about a foot wide on the side of a 70mph highway. No, it was too dangerous to pull over here. I looked up and saw a sign for the rest area at five ways roundabout. I guess we could stop there to have a baby. But when Katie didn’t answer me, I looked over, and she already had a baby in her lap! I glanced at the clock in my car: 5:12am – that made labor only about 30 – 45 minutes. I turned on my hazard lights and sped up a little as Katie scrambled to pull a newborn out of her pants! I heard Bethany crying as Katie cranked up the heat in the car and snuggled her up to her chest. Good, she was crying, and that meant she was breathing, so there was no sense in stopping. Off to the hospital!

We dug our IDs out so we would not have to negotiate with the gate guard once we got to Lakenheath. I pulled up to the gate and handed the gate guard our IDs. “Alright,” was the reply, she handed back our IDs, and we were on our way. That’s odd, we thought. She didn’t even notice Katie had a newborn on her lap. Oh, well. Off to the hospital!

I pulled up to the door of the hospital, and left the car running as I ran inside. I ran up the stairs to the Labor & Delivery ward, thinking that they’d be ready since we called ahead. “We had her in the car,” I said. There was an awkward silence. They must have thought I said “I have her in the car,” referring to Katie, because we just stood there looking at each other. “Is she coming up?” one of them asked. “We had the baby in the car!” I clarified. All of a sudden, the three of them began scurrying about, grabbing gloves and towels and such, and they ran off ahead of me down to the car. They told me to get a wheelchair from the ER.

I went in to the ER and asked if I could borrow a wheelchair, and briefly explained what had happened. The captain working in the ER asked me if I helped Katie deliver the baby. I replied that I was driving and couldn’t have helped without pulling over. He then asked if I at least held her hand. No…I was driving. He then proceeded to give me a hard time for leaving my poor wife to deliver a baby by herself. Then the ER tech came out with a wheelchair and we were off to get Katie. Poor Katie then came out of the toasty warm car into the chilly spring morning air. She sat down in the wheelchair, and the towels weren’t going to keep her warm. Fortunately, I had brought her blankie (heart quilt made by Sarah) with us, and I wrapped her up as best I could in that. So the hospital crew took her up to a delivery room as I parked the car and hurried up behind them.

We obviously threw the L&D staff out of their normal routine, and chaos ensued. A nurse tried urgently to get Katie to birth the placenta as one of the techs attempted to get an IV in her arm. Katie probably didn’t need either one of those things to happen immediately, but I guess they thought that we were a big emergency, and that they had to hurry up and do everything they could. Katie finally convinced them to leave her alone and let the contractions continue. The second attempt got the IV in, which they used to give her pitocin, which she didn’t want in the first place, but there wasn’t any communication about that. And when the on-call doctor arrived, Katie was able to birth the placenta. The doctor cleaned her up, and did not need to do any stitching! Meanwhile, another tech was taking care of Bethany, cleaning her up and helping her breathe better. When things settled down a bit, they brought Bethany over to Katie to let her nurse.

By this time it was just about 7am, and Katie wanted me to go and get Sarah and Cory. When I got home, the kids were still sleeping. I thanked Carrie for coming to watch them, and she and Will left for home. I decided to let the kids sleep a little longer, and I went to post messages on Facebook. Of course, I couldn’t just post a couple posts and be done, and I ended up chatting with my cousin, Sarah for a little while, telling the story of our exciting morning. Katie called and said that they were going to wait to give Bethany a bath until I got back with Sarah and Cory. Since they were not awake yet, I got them up. Cory got up willingly, but Sarah pulled her blanket over her head, wanting to keep sleeping. But when I told her that Bethany wasn’t in mama’s tummy anymore and asked her if she wanted to go see her, Sarah went from sleepy to excited instantly. She was bouncing on her bed and chattering up a storm. So I got them dressed, fed, and back to the hospital we went.

When we got to the hospital room, Katie was showered, dressed, and not hooked up to any medical equipment anymore. She was walking around, and Bethany was asleep in her bassinet. Both kids wanted to hold Bethany, so we let them take turns until the staff came in to give Bethany a bath. Sarah was very excited to help with the bath. After visiting for awhile, I took the kids back home for a nap. When I got home, Katie called and said that she would be ready to be discharged at 6pm – after only 12 hours in the hospital! So, after naptime, I took the kids to collect the rest of my family from the hospital, and we came home at the end of a very exciting day.

Vaccines...Yes, I'm going there.

It's not a secret what my stance is on vaccines for my family.  But in case you don't know, I'll give you a little background.

I planned to have my son delayed and selectively vaccinated.  It was a constant fight with our pediatrician, and when I would question certain/most vaccines, she would only give me the benefits of the vaccine and the risks of not vaccinating.  This shot up A LOT of red flags for me.  But needless to say, I was pressured into getting vaccines that I did not want for my son (up to and including the Varicella vaccine).  :(  I took my son in for his 2 year appointment, VERY pregnant with my daughter, and mentioned to their doctor that I was having a homebirth and that there obviously wouldn't be a pediatrician on call for my birth.  She gasped, and said that I had to bring my baby in within 24 hours of the birth to make sure she was okay and get all of her shots....hahaha!  Yea right.  I smiled and nodded in order to avoid punching her in the face.  She left the room for a moment and arrived back quickly to let me know that they had added another 7 doses to the Prevnar (I think) vaccine and that she recommends it and would be bringing it in to give to my son.  FINALLY my Mama Bear kicked in.  I jumped up and told her she was nuts and let her know that she would never see my children again. 

I read more and more and more and more information about vaccines - mind you, I found most of this information on the CDC's very own website.  My daughter was born and we switched our care to a holistic family MD.  I was planning on holding off the few vaccinations I was considering until 2 years of age.  But I kept reading and researching and finally settled on refusing ALL vaccinations.  By the way, our doctor gave me the risks and benefits to both sides and FULLY supported my decision to discontinue vaccinations for my son and not give any to my daughter.  *sigh of relief...no more fighting*

So that is my experience and where I stand with vaccines in my family.

There are a lot of people searching for a "middle ground" in this gigantic and nasty vaccine debate we have going on.  Unfortunately, in my opinion, the middle ground can only be found if we transport ourselves back to the 1980s.  Those who refuse to vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  Those who do vaccinate are selfish and irresponsible and are putting not only their kids' lives in danger, but everyone around them in danger.  And if you are one of those who delays/selectively vaccinates, you get crapped on from both sides - you are obviously either anti-vaccination and are ruining our country or you are pro-vaccination and ruining our country.  Hmmm...can a middle ground be found?

Common responses I get from people everywhere - "I was vaccinated and I am fine.  You were vaccinated and you are fine.  My kids are vaccinated and they are fine" (this is the one that I get to argue with often because most people who use this as an excuse/response fail to see that their kids are on 18 different medications for ADHD, ADD, Autism, Aspergers, Asthma, Allergies, Chronic this and that - so NO, your kids are NOT fine).  And I can use a similar response.  Both my husband and I were vaccinated.  And yes, we are fine (eh hem, can you define fine? lol).  Here's the problem...

Maybe this is why most of us as adults are fine and our kids are suffering tremendously.

So here is MY MIDDLE GROUND.  Respect and Education.
Whether you refuse all vaccinations, delay or selectively vaccinate, or vaccinate entirely on the CDCs schedule, as long as you have TRULY researched and educated yourself on the risks/benefits and what exactly you are or aren't putting into your child's body, and you are continuously open to learning and educating yourself more, you are doing what is right for your children - because you are doing what you truly believe to be best. 

The only irresponsible thing to do, is to make ANY of these decisions without educating yourself (and continuing to educate even after you make that decision) and just doing it because someone told you to.  That my friends, is not doing what is right for you children - that is doing what is right for someone else. 

ALWAYS respect others' educated decisions and never close your ears and eyes to information that may or may not benefit our children's futures.

Calling All Guest Bloggers!!

Calling all guest bloggers! 

Did you ENJOY your labor and birth???  When I talk about my second birth experience and proclaim that I enjoyed it and that it was awesome, I often get looks of disbelief and sometimes of disgust.  Am I the odd one out?  I can't possibly believe that.  Please share with me your AWESOME and ENJOYABLE birth experiences!  Let's make it known that childbirth doesn't have to be a torturous or degrading experience.

Please send your submissions to deperro@windstream.net (and include pictures if you have them!).

A New Look, A New Step

I have sat on the computer for DAYS trying to figure out how to personalize my blog and website.  I am so technologically inept, it is ridiculous.  But alas, I have a new look (at least the blog does for now).

Once I attempt to transfer this look over to the website as well, I will get on with my new step in this birthworker process. 

I get calls from a lot of potential doula clients.  I get a massive amount of e-mails and calls for placenta encapsulation.  And I am beginning to get a few inquiries on the Childbirth Preparation Classes.  Yay!  Even if for me (the woman who only takes on 1-2 births per month) this seems like a lot of people interested in bettering their birthing experience, there are SO MANY other women out there who either don't know where to begin in achieving a better birth, or they don't even know it is possible. 

I want to make the blog/website look more appealing in hopes to catch soon-to-be birthing women's eyes.  Once I have completed this task (I totally didn't think it would take me this long), I am going to reprint my pamphlets with my updated information and take a fun drive around the counties I serve and drop them off at health food stores, yoga studios, and chiropractic/wellness centers. 

Here's to spreading the good word about how AWESOME birth can be!

Tell me, how do you like the knew look??

October 15th - Understanding Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I have been working with pregnant women and families on a regular basis for a little while now.  I have had two completely different pregnancies and births, and I find myself able to grasp what a lot of women are going through emotionally and physically.  I like to be that ear to listen and I surround them with love and understanding - because somehow, someway, I usually can understand. 

But not with pregnancy or infant loss. 

The few women I have worked with who have had experiences with a loss have had me digging so deep into my soul to find an emotion or an experience...just so I could try to understand.  The closest I have ever come was bringing myself back to when I was told that Stephen might not live - not being able to hold him, comfort him, nourish him...  The difference:  I was able to bring him home, he is still with me.

Mike and I are fertile.  He laughs when I say we need to "try" for another baby.  He claims that "we don't even have to have sex, we conceive just thinking about it".  And so it happened again.  We conceived the end of July/early August.  He knew I was pregnant as soon as we finished making love, and I knew about 1 week later.  We went about our normal, every day lives knowing that the tests wouldn't show up positive just yet - but there was a bounce in both of our steps.  A few days later I was cleaning and preparing the house for a much welcomed visit from a very old friend.  As I was taking care of the house, I felt a small twinge in my abdomen/uterus area (similar to the feeling I get when I am ovulating).  I thought it was odd, as I have never felt that in any of my other pregnancies.  I went on a little longer with a few more twinges here and there and decided to go to the bathroom to check it out.  Upon wiping, I saw the blood.  I noted that it was odd looking blood - very watery, more pink than anything, and not much at all - but left the bathroom feeling disappointment that I had just gotten my period (way off schedule, by the way) and that my instincts were wrong.  My friend came over soon after and we enjoyed our time together.  She stayed for a few hours, and when Mike came home from work, I informed him that we were not pregnant.  After a few more hours, I went to the bathroom again.  No more blood.  Strange.  I slept on it and began to get excited again.  I had read about implantation bleeding, I looked up the dates, and this would be just about the right time for it.  Hooray!!!  We were pregnant!  We decided to wait a few more days to take a test, just to let those HcG levels grow. 

The night before our test taking day, Mike and I laid in bed giggling about whether or not we'd have another girl or boy.  Our boy name has been picked out for a few years, so we had fun discussing what we would name another daughter - and Oh My!  What would we do if we had another daughter??  That was unheard of on his side of the family (dominated by males).  We went to bed with smiles on our faces.

I woke up August 18th at 4:00am with a shooting pain that started from my back and wrapped around my lower belly.  I told myself it was anything I could think of (I even suggested to myself that I was getting my period - even though I don't get cramping especially something not this painful), and tried to adjust my positioning to ease the pain.  I stayed in bed for about an hour, groaning quietly until I felt the bed wet below me.  I ran to the bathroom to witness my own personal nightmare.  I cleaned myself up the best I could and made my way back into my bedroom.  I whispered into Mike's ear that I thought I was miscarrying.  He giggled for a minute and said "no you're not", and then sat still for a few moments.  He looked over at me and when he witnessed my tears of sadness and pain, he understood what was happening. 

The physical pain lasted about a day and a half.  The blood - that horrible reminder of what was happening - continued for just short of two weeks.  It was heavy, it was weird, and I thought it would never end. 

I reached out to my midwife, a good friend, and a close family member whom I had thought would be my pillar of strength.  The good friend and my midwife said the right things and gave the right advice.  They helped me to get through the initial loss, and my friend has continuously been here for me as I go on.  Never ever did I think that the other person I chose to share my loss with would say the things she said.  I kept my loss quiet because I do understand that some people just don't know what to say and that it may put them in an uncomfortable position.  But when my "pillar of strength" told me that it wasn't that big of a deal because it was so early, I almost vomited.  "It was barely a baby" - Well, it was my baby.  "Most people don't even know that they are pregnant yet, let alone know they are miscarrying" - Well, I knew...and it hurts in so many ways.

Now when I am serving women, I understand what so many have been through - and I wish I didn't.  I can't find a way to describe my sadness.  I love my baby who will never be earthside with his/her siblings, Daddy, or me.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever had a loss of a child.

We have been actively trying to conceive again.  It is heartbreaking to have my period revisit me over and over.  I've never had to try before. 

I've been trying to write about this loss for awhile now and always end up deleting it.  Part of me didn't want to share my loss with the world, and another part of me just couldn't get the words onto paper.  Although a lot of the emotions I am feeling now are different than I have with each time I've tried to write, there are so many that just won't go away.  This is a post I tried to write a few weeks ago and never completed...

To my baby who lived only for a few short moments inside of me:


I don't know why you are no longer with us.  I wish you were.


I am sorry for not being the healthiest Mama I could be.


I am sorry for my c-section, I know that it made it difficult to find a safe place to grow.


It hurt physically and emotionally to bleed you from my womb.  As I cried and cleaned myself, I prayed that it didn't hurt you too.

Love to all the Mamas and Babies out there today and everyday.  Thank you for your support and love.
~Meagan

Back to Basics

Family

Before I buy a homeschool curriculum for Stephen, I want to make sure that this decision is still something we both desire and that we are actually capable of succeeding.

I decided that before anything else, I needed to clean house.  We need to surround ourselves with toys and activities that promote imagination play, a growing attention span, and fine motor skills.  I went through all of the bedrooms with a trashbag and a donation box.  I kept the building blocks, tracks, Lincoln Logs, costumes/dress-up clothes, instruments, and their kitchen.  All of the plastic, talking, light-up toys were tossed immediately (sorry to any family and friends who've spent your hard earned money on these gifts for my children).

The house is cleaner, there is A LOT more interactive playtime, and everyone seems genuinely happier. 

As if we don't read enough books as it is, I have designated some extra time slots in the day for reading.  It is one of Stephen's favorite things to do and Delaney is starting to join in the fun, now that she has given up her title of "Queen Close the Books" (thank God).  It is so awesome to have him read stories to me now, because of his developing memorization skills and ability to follow pictures.  It is also so cool to see Delaney get excited about certain books we read.

Stephen and I have been taking advantage of Delaney's nap and working on a lot of crafts and activities.  Our favorites: labeling baggies with letters and going on scavenger hunts to find objects that begin with each letter and put them in the bags, cutting paper (who woulda thunk that would be so fun), and baking in the kitchen.

I'm feeling more and more confident with our homeschooling decision.

Marriage

Mike and I have yet again simplified our lives even more.  As we slowly live more and more off the land, I become more of the wife I have dreamed of being.  My cooking skills have improved and I'm beginning to enjoy the process.  This has also helped to improve our relationship.  It is nice for Mike to come home to dinner already made after a long day at work, and I feel better about myself.

As Mike builds a larger, sturdier coop, I look forward to increasing our flock and beginning the meat bird process.  I'm also looking forward to our master bedroom being completed.  I tell myself it will give us more privacy, but the truth is that I enjoy my kids curled up between us.

Birth

My summer break from "doula-ing" was much needed, but it took a lot to not say yes to all of the requests.  I've had some major revelations on my break from births.
1.  Our current medical system is truly robbing women and babies from something they need and deserve.
2.  Who am I to tell a woman whether or not she was empwoered or satisfied with her birth?

I am simply an ear to listen and can offer information/education if they are seeking it.  But, I will continue to fight for the right of women AND babies to experience a natural, empowering, spiritual, peaceful and gentle birth.  If the information I put out there offends a few, I am sorry.  The information and stories NEED to get out there to at least plant the seed in ALL people. 

My heart breaks for the moms and babies who are undergoing cesarean sections, inductions and all interventions that are not medically necessary.  "Big babies", going past 40 weeks, and being uncomfortable are not medical reasons to intervene.  Careproviders should be held responsible for their lack of TRUE informed consent, and moms HAVE to educate themselves - not just for their own experience, but for their innocent babies who don't have the ability to speak up for themselves. 

I have decided to start working toward my CBE certification and offer classes to help with the education process.  I am so excited about this next step, but am deeply saddened by the number of pregnant women who seem to have no desire to learn more.  I pray that they get the birth they are looking for and that in future pregnancies they open their minds to further educating themselves on all the different options and aspects of childbirth.

I am so thankful for all of my new clients (and past)!  It is an inspiration to see more and more women taking their births back!

Trust your body.  Trust your baby.  Trust birth.