Reflections on Motherhood and Life as a Doula

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

To My Son

To my dearest Stephen,

Thank you.  Thank you for your energy; it reminds me that I too, am young.  Thank you for your love; it keeps my faith strong in God.  Thank you for being you; you are perfect in every way.

Everyday it is amazing to wake up and see how you have grown.  You are so smart and creative.  I love watching you discover the art of "pretend".  I am so proud of your imagination.  You are unbelievably handsome.  I do not look forward to the days when girls will be calling our phone at all hours of the night.  I don't want you to ever have your heart broken.  I want you to be my little boy forever.

I love singing songs with you, and I love your love for music.  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, ABCs and Uncle Danny Boy will forever remind me of our peaceful nights, that are so appreciated after the chaotic days.

I am sorry that I didn't learn more before and during the days you were in my womb.  I wish I could go back in time and give you the birth you deserved.  Thank you for forgiving me for my ignorance.  I am sorry that I didn't protect you and that you entered this world so violently.  What a strong boy you are for enduring that experience.  I am sorry for not protecting you from circumcision.  Whether or not you are happy with it when you are grown, you should have been able to make that decision on your own. 
I am sorry for my temper, my ever-changing discipline strategies, and my impatience.  You deserve so much more love, patience, and solid boundaries.  Thank you for letting me grow up as a mother and teaching me what is important.

I promise to you, Stephen, that I will do everything to be the best Mommy I can be.  I will take each day as it comes, and I will learn and grow with you. 

A great woman once told me, that our children choose us.  I believe her.  I don't know why you chose me, but by the grace of God, I am going to show you that you made the right choice.  Everything happens for a reason.  Your birth happened for a reason - maybe to push us both to our limits and to show us how strong we are; individually and together.  We push eachother to our limits everyday, and at the end of the day, I am thankful for that. 

You make me a better person.

I love you, Stephen.  So much.  More than you will ever know (until you have children of your own).


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